Below is an actual e-mail Matt sent to our Melbourne co-workers. Because Marlys has already been surreptitiously leaking it to various people, the Aliantravels editorial board decided to publish it in its entirety and let everyone on earth know about how Matt spent Wednesday morning. It needs no further introduction. Enjoy.
____________________
From: O'Toole, Matt
Sent: Wednesday, January 28, 2009 8:55 AM
To: All Melbourne
Subject: Important Safety Notice
Dear Fellow Melbourne Office Teammembers,
As I was rushing to get a cuppa before my 7 AM conference call in which I was presenting, I left my key card in my office and so thought I'd just pop into the unisex toilet next to the kitchen. I stepped in, accomplished my business, and when I turned to leave I noticed a funny thing: the handle for the door was missing. "How strange" was my first thought. "How the heck am I going to get out of here?" was my second. I looked around for the handle or other method of releasing the door, but as a soggy towel is really only useful for preventing smoke from entering a room during a fire, there was no means of release at hand. I settled down to wait for one of my co-workers to arrive for their first cup of tea.
As the hours passed many thoughts went though my mind, but in the spirit of Jeremy Bentham I tried to use my time of incarceration for self improvement. I counted the tiles on the ceiling (16. And by the way, where did the cover for the light fixture go?). I went through the alphabet naming Victorian country towns - Ararat, Bunyip, Colac, Dandenong ("Wait", I thought. "Does Dandenong count as “country”? It's so close to Melbourne."). I tried to come up with less embarrassing explanation for my absence from the conference call - "I was locked in a toilet" does not inspire confidence or respect for your judgment and common sense. And I plotted slow, sweet revenge on whoever took the handle and didn't let people know the door to the toilet is buggered.
Eventually Barb arrived and she, Maria and I worked to get the door opened. In the spirit of the prison leitmotif, they passed me food and drink though the slot at the bottom of the door during this period. Eventually we got it open and I was paroled to breathe the sweet air of freedom again. Or at least air untainted by Oust and other cleaning supplies.
Why am I sharing my embarrassing and unhappy morning with you? It's to impart a few valuable lessons:
1. The door to the toilet by the kitchen is broken. Do not use that toilet unless you are prepared to prop the door open.
2. If in the future you learn of a dangerous or confinement-causing condition at the office, please inform your fellow workers. An e-mail may be a good idea. And might I also suggest a note on the door?
3. Henceforth, all my children will be named Barb and Maria. Even the boys.
4. When going to the toilet, always bring food and a phone. You just never know.
Kind regards,
Matt
Friday, January 30, 2009
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2 comments:
For us far-away Americans, can you tell us who Jeremy Bentham is?
Good to see a bit of levity in your postings. Normally the sentiments cause a tear to well up in my eye, but this was great. Of course this is the second time I'm seeing it, but it's nice to find it in a more public forum. Hope to find this same kind of blunt honesty in Finland, MN in the fall. You'll need to regain your seniority on room picks, Matt. The couch is calling.
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