Random Thoughts About Australia

1. Greetings. When you say hello or goodbye to a woman, you kiss. On the cheek, mind you, and just once. A hug indicates you want to grope her and a handshake means you think she has a communicable disease.

2. Taxi Drivers. Taxi drivers fall into one of two sub-species: First, the South Asian Taxi Drivers, who usually don’t know where they are supposed to go (“Airport? Do you have an address?”) but they are always polite and quiet. Alternatively, there is the White Aussie Blabbermouth. These guys are hit or miss. Hit, and you get a hilarious monologue about the war, religion, politicians, J. Edgar Hoover (referred to as “J. Herbert Hoover” even if he is correctly identified him as the former head of the FBI), Nicole Kidman vs. Cate Blanchett (Cate always wins), “your redskin Indians”, poms (the English), the stupid fact punt returners call for the fair catch rather than run the ball back (yes, we are referring to American football here), and “You have no kids? Do you have medical problems? No? You should quit your job and you’ll get pregnant like THAT.” (snap fingers to emphasize “that”). Matt missed that last driver. On the other hand, the only people we have encountered who like George Bush are White Aussie Blabbermouth taxi drivers. Draw your own conclusions.

3. You’re nobody ‘til somebody loves you. In Australia you call your significant other your “partner”. Married, co-habitating, gay, lesbian, committed, sort of committed, roommate, flatmate – they are all a “partner”. In the US, partner means you’re either an attorney working in a law firm or you’re in an unmarried, committed same-sex relationship. Hmmm these people aren’t lawyers so they must all…ALL? Be gay...??

4. Kangaroos. Here is the real, unvarnished truth about kangaroos – Australia has no deer, so kangaroos fill the void. When in the country, you see them everywhere. They cause a lot of automotive damage. If you’re driving at dusk in the country you have to watch out as if you were in Northern Wisconsin at dusk. You see carcasses on the road. If you come across one when hiking, they will look at you with a dumb sort of suspicious look and then bound off. Any of this sound like deer? There is one difference between deer and roos – every fall, deer fear for their lives from unshaven, beer drinking, orange vest wearing, well armed humans. Roos? They never have to worry.

5. What day is it? In Australia they rearrange the dates the day is listed first so it’s DD/MM/YYYY rather than the US which is MM/DD/YYYY. Seems like this should be a minor thing, huh? I mean if you see a date that says 27/02/2008 you can figure it out, right? Because we don’t have 27 months. Easy. Well, I’m telling you, it’s not that easy. Imagine….it’s early morning and you put a spoonful of yogurt into your mouth and then you glance down at the date and it reads 01/04/2008 – is sort of freaks you out that you’re eating bad food…or are you…?