Random Thoughts About Australia

1. Greetings. When you say hello or goodbye to a woman, you kiss. On the cheek, mind you, and just once. A hug indicates you want to grope her and a handshake means you think she has a communicable disease.

2. Taxi Drivers. Taxi drivers fall into one of two sub-species: First, the South Asian Taxi Drivers, who usually don’t know where they are supposed to go (“Airport? Do you have an address?”) but they are always polite and quiet. Alternatively, there is the White Aussie Blabbermouth. These guys are hit or miss. Hit, and you get a hilarious monologue about the war, religion, politicians, J. Edgar Hoover (referred to as “J. Herbert Hoover” even if he is correctly identified him as the former head of the FBI), Nicole Kidman vs. Cate Blanchett (Cate always wins), “your redskin Indians”, poms (the English), the stupid fact punt returners call for the fair catch rather than run the ball back (yes, we are referring to American football here), and “You have no kids? Do you have medical problems? No? You should quit your job and you’ll get pregnant like THAT.” (snap fingers to emphasize “that”). Matt missed that last driver. On the other hand, the only people we have encountered who like George Bush are White Aussie Blabbermouth taxi drivers. Draw your own conclusions.

3. You’re nobody ‘til somebody loves you. In Australia you call your significant other your “partner”. Married, co-habitating, gay, lesbian, committed, sort of committed, roommate, flatmate – they are all a “partner”. In the US, partner means you’re either an attorney working in a law firm or you’re in an unmarried, committed same-sex relationship. Hmmm these people aren’t lawyers so they must all…ALL? Be gay...??

4. Kangaroos. Here is the real, unvarnished truth about kangaroos – Australia has no deer, so kangaroos fill the void. When in the country, you see them everywhere. They cause a lot of automotive damage. If you’re driving at dusk in the country you have to watch out as if you were in Northern Wisconsin at dusk. You see carcasses on the road. If you come across one when hiking, they will look at you with a dumb sort of suspicious look and then bound off. Any of this sound like deer? There is one difference between deer and roos – every fall, deer fear for their lives from unshaven, beer drinking, orange vest wearing, well armed humans. Roos? They never have to worry.

5. What day is it? In Australia they rearrange the dates the day is listed first so it’s DD/MM/YYYY rather than the US which is MM/DD/YYYY. Seems like this should be a minor thing, huh? I mean if you see a date that says 27/02/2008 you can figure it out, right? Because we don’t have 27 months. Easy. Well, I’m telling you, it’s not that easy. Imagine….it’s early morning and you put a spoonful of yogurt into your mouth and then you glance down at the date and it reads 01/04/2008 – is sort of freaks you out that you’re eating bad food…or are you…?

This One's For Mom

Matt's Mom has been asking for a picture of our car, as she can't quite belive we have a station wagon. So here it is:

Marlys Does Her Detroit Auto Show Pose

Australia Day - January 26

There is a stereotypical way to spend Australia Day:

1. Go to the beach.
2. Listen to “Home Among the Gum Trees” by country music legend John Williamson.
3. Have a barbie full of sausages (not a shrimp in sight unless you’re a real wanker).
4. Drink a few VBs (Victoria Bitter – a delicious lager).
5. Watch fireworks.

Most of Australia wakes up January 27 with a sunburn and a hangover.

We were actually in Oz for Australia Day in 2003. We were on a scuba diving trip and spent the day exploring the Great Barrier Reef. Very Australia, but not very Australian. This year, our co-worker Lucy invited us to her Mum’s farm in the Victoria bush (country) about 2.5 hours from Melbourne. Knowing Lucy is loads of fun and secretly hoping for a “real” Australia Day experience, we accepted.

First thing you notice after arriving at Fay's (Lucy's Mum) the farm is the sculpture in the yard, in the house, on the road, in the trees, etc. Second thing you notice is the animals. She had cows, sheep, chickens, a turkey named ‘gobbles’, a cockatoo, two snakes, 2 sugar gliders (little marsupials like flying squirrels) and three lizards. I’m sure I’m forgetting something.

View of the Valley

Australia Day rose sunny and hot. Lucy, her boyfriend Luke, Sarah (co-worker) and her boyfriend Justin, and we headed down to 90 Mile Beach (Stereotype #1: check). 90-Mile Beach is not an exaggeration. It really is 90 miles long, and from where we accessed all you could see was sand, dunes, and roaring, rolling surf until it faded into a mist in the distance. A beautiful sight. We slapped on the sun cream, spread out our towels, dove in the surf, collected a few shells, and had spent a few hours getting roasted. January seemed a long, long way away.

On the Beach

After the beach it was back to the farm where, lo and behold, a John Williamson CD was playing (stereotype #2: done). You’ll never hear him in the sates, but he’s sort of the voice of rural Australia and sings all about the small towns and country life - sort of like a musical Garrison Keillor. Anyway, once Fay found out we liked his music; it was three days of old JW.

After removing the sand from our bodies, we decided to get out the .22s and take a little target practice. Currently, one of Australia’s famous cricketers (Shane Warne, if that means anything to any of our readers) has his face plastered on the side of a case of VB, and around him there are concentric circles, so it makes an excellent target. We plinked away with the 22s and then Luke got out his high caliber rifle…cannon, really.

When it was Matt’s turn to shoot he forgot he was no longer using a 22. After taking careful aim, he squeezed the trigger – BAM! - and saw stars. The recoil put the scope into his noggin at high velocity and there was blood everywhere. Luckily, 'tis but a flesh wound and a band aid or two staunched the bleeding. Warnie got it in the breastbone on that shot, by the way.

Head Wound

After the excitement, we pulled out the barbie and loaded it up with meat: steaks, hamburgers, and snags (sausages). And we drank a VB or two. (Stereotypes #3 and #4: check and check)

Matt, Marlys, Lucy, Luke, Sarah & Justin

To top the night off, there was a thunderstorm in the valley Fay’s farm overlooks. We could watch the lightning strikes off in the distance and see the clouds flash with color. Quite the light show for the visitors and it qualified as natural fireworks (stereotype #5: check). We had achieved a real, honest to goodness Australia Day.

Weekend in Sydney

For those of you inured to the American domestic airline system, here is what happened on our one hour discount economy coach flight from Melbourne to Sydney. For those of you residing in Minneapolis-St Paul, this flight is equivalent to a trip to Chicago. First, they served dinner. Not just a pretzel bag that you only get in US business class (although we got that too), but a real hot dinner with rolls, tray wrapped tin, etc. Now I never liked airline food and still don’t, but still – not a US coach experience. Next, there was free alcohol. No five dollar beer, but instead a can of beer or bottle of wine, gratis. Finally, there were headsets with a television show (daily news + a .5 hour comedy) and 8 radio channels. Little things all, and we can certainly do without them on such a short trip, but what a pleasant change of pace. Oh, did we mention security takes about 1 minute and there’s no “put your 3 oz. bottle of shampoo in a baggie and run through security xray” rule? We’re planning to bring a big jug of shampoo in our carry on bags next time…just because we can.

After a pleasant flight, Sydney was a rude awakening. We’ve been there a few times in January -- each time there was glorious hot sun. Not so now. The rain gods caught up with us and it rained steadily all weekend. With the drought, you can’t really complain about rain, but couldn’t they have held off until next week?

The first night we headed to the Rocks section of Sydney for dinner at Pony’s. delicious Tapas style food. The restaurant also had free entertainment -- in the form of the two drunk women next to us. They were so inebriated, the server cut them off – which they did not take very well, causing one of them to roar “I’ve been drinking all day, so how can I be too drunk now?” Good to see an Aussie on holiday can make an ass out of herself as well as the next person.

Saturday was spent dodging rain and going to the Sydney museum – small collection but a lot of cool information about the city and its history. There was an excellent exhibit dedicated to Sydney photographers who have documented their impressions of the city.

Marlys & Dave

That night we headed to Shangri La hotel bar on the 34th floor - spectacular (but grey) views of the harbor! We were joined by Dave, Monica (PDI co-workers – Dave’s in from Brussels and Monica works in the Sydney office) and Monica’s partner Wazza. (Wazza is short for Warwick – some day I’ll explain Aussie nickname rules). After drinking in the views (and the champagne) we headed to Darling Harbor for good food and great fun with new friends.

After Sunday brunch on Circular Quay (the heart of Sydney with views of the Harbor Bridge and Opera House) we took advantage of the clearing weather to head to our absolute favorite Sydney to-do: the ferry to Manly and then a few hours lazing on Manly beach. All was well at first, but after 30 minutes it started to mist, then drizzle, then rain, and then a full scale downpour. We had brought a little umbrella with us, but unfortunately Marlys had also brought her leather purse. So as everyone but the surfers abandoned the beach, we sat under our little umbrella, guarding her bag from the rain and getting ourselves soaked in the process. Funny thing was, after 20 minutes of torrential rain, the clouds opened up and the sun came out and we enjoyed a beautiful hot beach day the rest of the afternoon.

That’s it for Sydney. This weekend is Australia Day – which is the antipodean Fourth of July - so another long weekend for us. We are spending it at the family farm of a co-worker, which is located in a gorgeous area of Victoria called Wilson’s Prom (it's the bush). We anticipate cricket on the beach, hiking in the rain forest and barbies for three days. Just like all the Januarys back in Minnesota.

New Years Resolution

We have a joint New Year's resolution to post on the blog more often this year, so expect more frequent but shorter updates - at least until about mid-February, if success on past resolutions is any indication.

We are back in Melbourne. Marlys arrived on the 8th, Matt the 15th. Marlys came by way of Los Angeles, where she spent a day of beauty with our friend Anne. Matt came by way of Las Vegas, where he spend a weekend of (minor) debauchery with friends from law school. Needless to say, Marlys arrived fresh, Matt not so much.

The last two days we've been to the Australian Open after work. They have a deal where you buy a 5 day grounds pass that gets you into everything except the main arena. In the early rounds this is a great deal because the stars play on the side courts and you can watch them close up. And for those of you who think tennis is a gentlemanly sport, fans were so rowdy Tuesday night the police came in and used pepper spray on some of them. Watch out soccer hooligans, the fuzzball fans are here to kick ass!

Our friend Dave is in Oz for a much deserved vacation and, in addition to hitting the tennis with us, he and Marlys toured some wineries last weekend. He's in Sydney now and we are going to spend the weekend there with him.

Back in Minnesota

We love Minnesota at Christmas time, especially when there is snow on the ground. We were fortunate enough to have all Matt's family together for the day - and guess who is wearing the red suit?

Since things have been a little too hectic for a card this year - Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all!

Much love, M&M

PS: High today in Melbourne: 104

Time to Go

We're returning to the US for a few weeks tomorrow, and not a moment too soon. In addition to the obvious (holidays, family, work, etc) here's 11 (true) reasons why we know we've been in Australia too long:

1. You watch a movie and idly notice the people are driving on the wrong side of the road. Then you realize in America they are actually driving on the correct side of the road.

2. You ask the receptionist for today’s newspaper, and when she inquires why you want it, you respond you just want to check the TV section "to see what time the cricket is on.”

3. “No worries” becomes your most common response to any request whatsoever.

4. You complain about the fact Yarra trams is raising fares and (1) feel justified complaining about the level of service and (2) express this by saying “the tram is still too bloody packed during peak hours”.

5. Someone says they have been to Brissie, the territries, or OS and you know where they went.

6. You know which national teams are the Boomers, the Kookaburras, the Tall Blacks, the Black Caps, the Wallabies, and the Matildas.

7. You voice an opinion on the whole Ben Cousins situation.

8. You unthinkingly type “u” in words like harbour, endeavour, colour, etc.

9. You can guess Melbourne’s reservoir water reserves within a tenth of a decimal point.

10. The old, Italian gentleman at Nick’s barista counter gets you your large, take-away flat white without asking for your order.

11. You ask your spouse if your outfit makes you “…look like a daggy bogan?”