A Very Aussie Christmas

We had a couple sweltering days last week but on for the 24th and 25th the weather was perfect. We worked Christmas Eve morning and then had a potluck brunch - complete with Kris Kringle and champagne - with colleagues. Then we went to Christmas mass at the oldest Catholic church in Melbourne, St. Francis, which has an unusual and beautiful cedar ceiling. Our first antipodal Christmas was spent with our friends the Alessios at their beach house on the Mornington Peninsula. Christmas eve was a traditional Aussie barbeque with snags (sausages), lamb roast, and some summer salads. Christmas morning we took a walk along the beach where the winds were calm and the sea a clear blue/ green. We walked to the end of Rye Pier (John, Frani, Nita, you’ve all been to this pier) where we spotted a massive stingray and the local seal that regularly suns itself on the pier.

Christmas day was with the extended Alessio clan – 26 in all – feasting on the northern traditional Christmas feast if turkey, pork, and ham, roast potatoes, green beans, etc. The meal was capped with traditional plum pudding – a secret Alessio family recipe. It’s a dark dense boozy collection of stewed fruit, nuts, brandy and cake. Old coins are buried within the pudding, and one coin, a sterling silver florin is good luck. The finder gets to keep the coin and according to tradition will receive a year of good fortune. While neither of us received the buried treasure, we savored the dessert. We returned to Melbourne that evening so we can go to the cricket on the 26th. But given the sun hadn’t set at 9 PM, we went for a ride along the beach where all the families were winding up their family events. As for the cricket today, the Boxing Day Test is one of the most famous matches known for hot sun and an “enthusiastic” crowd. We’ve slapped on the sunscreen and are looking forward to a slow, relaxing day. Tomorrow we head to New Zealand for two weeks so you won’t see an update to the blog until mid-January.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Weekend Weather Comparison

As I sat here working with one eye on the cricket on TV (Australia is batting and leads South Africa in the second innings of the first test by 203 runs, in case you're wondering) I got a St Paul weekend weather report: snow, poor roads, high temps in the teens.

Weather in Melbourne this weekend - sunny and 70s. And now that my work is done, we're going to the pub and enjoy a cold beer in the sun.

But I'd still prefer a white Christmas in MN.

A Day of Thanks

Thanksgiving and all that goes with it - eating turkey, pumpkin pie, and mounds of mashed potatoes - is a uniquely American phenomena (although the Canadians have a similarly named holiday). With Matt in the US for the Thanksgiving and Melbourne embarking on summer – it didn’t really ‘feel’ like Thanksgiving so I thought I’d just let this American holiday slide on by. My dear Aussie friends, Dominique, Maria, and Jen had another idea altogether.

For weeks these three had been conspiring WITH MY MOTHER to put on a surprise, honest-to-goodness Aukee Thanksgiving dinner of turkey with all the trimmings. Family recipes like yams with pecans and marshmallows and rutabaga casserole made their way to a Melbourne table thanks to email, much time to converting family recipes from imperial measurements to metric, and driving to the lone USA store that sells canned pumpkin (another Aussie slang term for you – “in the middle of nowhere” is referred to as “woop woop”).

The clever ruse was an invite to Jen’s for pizza so I wouldn’t have to spend Thanksgiving alone. Sounds good, I thought, all this alone time is torture for my extroversion.

6pm on Thanksgiving night I walked into Jen’s house and was greeted by the giddy looking trio. First they brought me to the dining room, which had a beautiful tablecloth laid with Jen’s finest china, wineglasses, and full silverware. There were hand-made Thanksgiving decorations on the table - felt turkeys. Wow! What a beautiful table, I said, so much trouble to go to for a pizza dinner. Well, not quite pizza. They brought me into the kitchen, opened the oven door to produce a turkey and multiple covered dishes of family favorites. I was (in another apt used Aussie term) gobsmacked. "Happy Thanksgiving!!!" they chimed.

Eight of us feasted on a delicious meal. It will always be one of my most cherished Thanksgiving memories. One that closed with a full stomach and a very full heart.

Marlys Dom Maria Jen

Happy Thanksgiving

Wishing you all a wonderful Thanksgiving from warm and sunny Melbourne!!

Australian Political Primer

Because today is Election Day in the US we thought we’d give you a quick glimpse into Australia politics/ election process.

An overview: Australia is a constitutional monarchy (Queen Elizabeth II) and a parliamentary democracy.

Australian Constitution: 1901, established a federal system of government where powers are distributed between national and state levels of government.

Head of Government: Australia has a Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd. Who reminds us of Martin from"The Simpsons". They even look a bit alike.

The legislature: Commonwealth Parliament. The Parliament is comprised of the Queen, the Senate, and the House of Representatives. The Queen is represented by the Governor-General, who in practice exercises little or no power over the Parliament. The GG serves “at the Queen’s pleasure” without a specified term (although it’s usually 5 years). This past September, for the first time ever, the queen appointed a female GG, Her Excellency Ms Quentin Bryce.

Political Parties: Australia has a number of recognized parties – Labour, Liberal, National, Democrats, Greens, and One Nation. While you’ve got your fringe parties – i.e., One Nation which runs a populist, anti-immigration platform - it is basically a two-party system. The two main ones are:
Labour party (the party of the left)
Liberal party (which…just to make it confusing to US expats…is the conservative party)


Voting: Voting is compulsory in Australia. Every Australian citizen (18 years or older) is legally compelled to vote. If you do not vote and do not have a valid and sufficient reason for failing to vote, a penalty is imposed. I suspect there’s a lot of money and time saved due to no “get out” or “rock the” vote campaigns.


Finally: One of the national TV stations ran an election poll asking Australians which candidate they would vote for in the US election. The result?
Obama 83%
McCain 17%

10 things we learned on our trip to New Caledonia

1. Air Calin (the national airline) offers free liquor on their flights. It’s only a 2.5 hour flight from Sydney to the New Caledonia capital of Noumea, but, in addition to a nice meal, they give you an appertif, wine for the meal, and then the flight attendants walk around with a brandy bottle. Très French. Most certainly not très avion américain!

2. It rains during the dry season. October is the driest month of the year and prized for its sunny weather. But we arrived in a torrential downpour - we couldn’t see 100 yards in front of us – and it remained cloudy with occasional rain the entire time we were there. The sun only broke through on our last day. But we’ll say this for New Caledonia – it was a fantastic trip and never once did it feel like the weather got in the way of a good time.

3. French Colonialism has its upsides. Here we were on a tropical island and every morning we could have wonderful coffee, breads, perfect buttery croissants. All our dinners were amazing – especially a Vietnamese meal prepared by a family that left Vietnam with the French in the 50s. Best of all, because it’s a French dependency plenty of vin rouge and vin blanc is available and duty free from the motherland.

4. The natives call it Kanakyland of the Kanaks. OK, technically we learned that from an informational placard in the botanical gardens in Melbourne, but it was so odd we had to get the word out.

5. Theft is apparently not a concern. When we got to our hotel, we locked our “valuables” (i.e, about A$50 and our blessedly inoperable blackberries) in the room safe and set our secret code. When we tried to open it the next day it wouldn’t budge. After numerous tries, we called the front desk.

• Marlys: “Our code won’t work and we can’t open our safe.”
• Pleasant French-accented receptionist: “Just to enter 0000.”
• Marlys: “Will that work?”
• Receptionist: “All ze safes in ze ‘otel open to 0000. Voila!”
• Marlys: “Ahhh. The old ‘un-safe’ safe!”
• Receptionist: “Pardonnez-moi?”

6. Over 1 million US servicemen came through during WWII. We learned this at the small but fascinating Maritime Museum in Noumea. Because it was close to Australia but sufficiently far from Japanese conquests, New Caledonia became a massive staging area for the Pacific War and the country enjoyed an economic renaissance on the back of Uncle Sam's taxpayers. The legacy is a tremendous amount of good will for Americans and interesting place names. For instance, there is a suburb of Noumea called “Motor Pool”.

7. It’s surrounded by the world’s 2nd largest reef, making it the largest lagoon in the world. This means superb diving: we spent a day checking out the reef life. Lots of sharks, turtles, barracuda, and plenty of colorful fish.

8. It’s very multi-cultural. The dive company owner/operators were French (him) and Japanese (her). He was a former French Foreign Legionnaire. They have two kids: he talks to them in French, she in Japanese, and they talk to each other in English.

9. Obama mania is a global phenomena. They get few American tourists (mainly French, Australian and Japanese) and we never heard an American accent while we were there. When people learned we were Yanks they immediately wanted to tell us how much they hoped Obama would be elected and ask us if it was true, really true, that such a wonderful thing could happen. “He’s a new Kennedy” they’d say – presumably meaning the Camelot Kennedy, not the Chappaquiddick one.

10. We want to go back.

Halloween Nicht

One of our blog readers has asked: What do Australians do for Halloween? (And you thought we ignored all those comments…). Despite the best efforts of Cadbury and Mars, the Australians do not celebrate Halloween. They know it exists and understand the basic concept, and you may find the odd decoration or costume in a store, but for the most part they think it is more than slightly strange to have a holiday where people arrive at your house unannounced, demand gifts, and commit criminal mischief if you refuse to give them anything.

Anticipating the usual follow up question, no, they don’t celebrate Thanksgiving either. But their opinion of Thanksgiving is much different. They find it downright admirable that Americans have a holiday where they stop their overworked lives, sit down with family, and give thanks for all the blessings they enjoy. Of course, we’ve never let slip the dirty little secret that after the giving of thanks Americans proceed to indulge in sloth and gluttony on such a scale that no one goes to work the next day.

I think the State Department could get a lot of positive press for the US by playing up our celebration of Thanksgiving. I mean, it’s such a great idea that the Canadians copied us and have their own Thanksgiving day - and their society’s sole raison d’etre is to be the anti-America. Maybe they justify it by loudly pointing out it’s in October.

Of course, without Halloween and Thanksgiving, Americans would just be looking forward to Christmas. Wonder what that would be like? Let me tell you – it ain’t all that great. The picture below was taken in early October in the local Big W (sort of a Walmart) and it only captures a small portion of a massive section.

Yes, the wrapping paper, bows, Santa hats, fake trees, and oodles of special Christmas presents (or “Chrissy prezzies” as they say) have been on the shelves for weeks now. A full two months before the big day! Can anyone say over-commercialism of Christmas? Bah humbug.

Editors’ note: this will be our last entry for a little while because tomorrow we make our second attempt to visit New Caledonia. During the first attempt we ended up at Ayer’s Rock instead (see a map to fully appreciate the magnitude of this detour) but we hope second time’s a charm. South Pacific– here we come!

Happy Birthday, Sydney Opera House!

Today when I made my first Google query (in Oz you’re directed to http://www.google.com.au/) – the familiar sails of the Sydney Opera House were embedded into the Google logo. This amazing landmark is 35 years old today.

It is stunning - situated on Sydney Harbour at the end of Bennelong Point. From the Opera House you can see the Sydney skyline (the CBD) and the iconic Sydney Harbour Bridge (which Matt has climbed…twice!). The Sydney Opera House is considered one of the wonders of the modern world and was named as a UNESCO world heritage site last year.

The opera house was designed by Jørn Utzon (Danish) and work started in 1958. Queen Elizabeth II officially opened the Sydney Opera House on October 20, 1973.

We've seen one opera at the Sydney Opera House – Mozart’s Don Giovanni. At intermission we kept remarking to each other how nice it was they apparently have extended intermissions in Australia - we could stand on the outside deck and look up at they twinkly lights of the Sydney skyline. But after a while we started to think it was a really long intermission. When they finally rang the little triangle to get us back in the hall, the director revealed that the lead soprano, playing Donna Anna, had taken ill and so he had called in the understudy for the second half. Unfortunately, the understudy was not in the Opera House - she was in the far suburbs and it took a while for her to arrive. But I think we would have figured out the switcheroo even if he hadn't told us - the first Donna Anna was a tall willowy blonde, in the second half she was a short woman with black hair. No matter, they both sang their hearts out.

State Fair - Southern Hemisphere Style

As most of you dear readers well know, every August the true Minnesotan’s heart turns to thoughts of corn dogs, cheese curds, crop art, “sturdy” people in Van Halen t-shirts two sizes too small, and all sorts of culinary delights on-a-stick. In other words, the State Fair. Unfortunately, Matt missed the Great Minnesota Get Together this year, and Marlys only went once – truly an insufficient amount of “somethin’ cultural” (to quote a former Sweeney’s co-worker).

Imagine our glee when we learned Melbourne hosts its own agricultural show turned citified carnival – The Royal Melbourne Show. Like the Minnesota version, it started out in days of yore (1880s) with events to determine who had the best pie, cow, horse, sow, etc, but as the area gentrified and urbanized the Royal Melbourne Show slowly but surely dedicated itself to rides, carnival games, home improvement booths, and other events that were more to the taste of the city slicker.

We approached the Royal Melbourne Show with a great deal of excitement. Jacob, the brother of our friend Lucy, was working in the farm animal nursery, and he scored us free entry ($27 per person!) as well as a backstage tour of the animal exhibits. Herewith is our comparison of the MN State Fair (MSF) and the Royal Melbourne Show (RMS):

Food
At the RMS we had fairy floss (cotton candy), chorizo sausages, corn on the cob, souvlaki, chips and Matt tried something not even our Aussie friends had seen before – a yabbie burger. Yabbies are crawfish, and for the burger the yabbies were basically mushed into an inch thick paste and spread on a hamburger bun with a piece of lettuce and a lashing of mayo. Everyone tried a bite and the opinion was unanimous: not nearly as bad as you think it would be.
MSF or RMS? Because it’s about 3 times as big, MSF has a lot more options. However, where they go head to head, MSF only wins in the corn-on-the-cob category. The fries, gyros, and fairy floss are better at the RMS.

Choice, choices

Drink
RMS: Marlys bought a milkshake and only after paying learned “milkshake” = “chocolate milk”. A word to the wise – if you want a real shake, order a “thick shake”. Then, while Marlys and Lucy rode the Ferris Wheel, Matt and Luke discovered one of the two beer gardens. It was run by a microbrewery and had a tasty selection of limited edition beer.
MSF or RMS? The MSF has lots of beer gardens and the Lutheran milkshake stand next to the art building. However, the beer the RMS is better. MSF wins on its (real) milkshakes.

Animals
Again the MSF has a lot more options. More barns, more animals. And the RMS did not have anything comparable to Matt’s favorite MSF animal: the gigantic prize pig. But thanks to the backstage tour with Jacob, we got up close and personal with some of the animals. Plus, there were emu chicks and emu eggs.
MSF or RMS? Matt can go without gigantopig one year. We’re giving this one to the RMS animal barn.

Clientele
Each event is a good spot if you are on an anthropological quest for people with mullets, interesting dress sense, profanity laced t-shirts, poor personal hygiene, bad eating habits, short-shorts and halter tops, and a limited dental complement. A tie.

Carnies
RMS accomplished what one would think impossible – they make the carnies at the MSF look positively WASPy. The two guys running the “No Limit” ride didn’t have a half set of teeth between them, and one look at them told you they hit their stash of weed during their break. All this makes one a bit queasy when there was also a sign by the ride saying “Safety is YOUR Responsibility”. RMS wins on style, MSF on safety.

Attractions
The rides and carnival games were the same, although there were fewer of them at the RMS and they were more expensive. The RMS has a thing called “show bags”, where you typically paid $10-30 for a bag full of goodies from a particular exhibitor. For instance, there was a Cadbury showbag, Pirates of the Caribbean showbag, Dora the Explorer showbag, Barbie showbag, etc. We didn’t buy any, although Matt was tempted by the Hasselhoff showbag ($20 worth of Hoff merchandise!). Some showbags get very expensive and include holidays including airfare, 5-star accommodations, etc. This year the ‘ultimate’ showbag ran a cool A$10,000 and included a large fridge with beer tap, a year’s worth of beer, a freezer filled with beef and a number of other beer or beef related accoutrement.

Beyond the showbags, there was a sad lack of the hucksters pushing ginsu knives, vibrating chairs, superdusters, closet saunas, and all the other crapola that gives the MSF its cosmopolitan air. MSF – victor.

Price
As usual, everything in Melbourne is more expensive than comparable items in Minnesota. MSF wins hands down.

Verdict
Overall, while we had a great time, the Minnesota State Fair will retain its title as the Best Fair Anywhere. Now can someone please mail me a porkchop-on-a-stick?

View from the Ferris Wheel

Melbourne Marathon

Last Sunday Matt ran the Melbourne Marathon. He finished in 3:42, which was pretty good considering (1) the last 10 miles head due north and there was a strong north wind that day and (2) about 3 weeks ago he injured his knee when a dog hit him and it flared up so bad during the race that he walked a good part of the last 4 miles.

But he he made sure to run the last bit of the race, which ends with a lap around the inside of the MCG. It was pretty cool to compete in this legendary stadium, and people at work were duly impressed - Matt was twice asked "What does the grass on the field smell like?"

As always, Marlys was the support squad extraordinaire and because the course passed near our house a few times she could easily ride her bike to cheer for Matt at different points. We both noticed that Australians cheer runners much less than Americans. At US races people clap or yell for everyone who goes by, but most Aussies only seemed to encourage people they knew.

Matt is still sore today and has no plans for another marathon. For now.

Over One Billion Served

The billionth jar of the most amazing yeast extract spread ever, Vegemite, has just been sold and that’s the number one news story today in Australia. If you have even a passing acquaintance with Australian culture you’ve heard this black paste celebrated in song (Men At Work singing about a Vegemite sandwich in “Land Down Under”) and universally acknowledged by Americans as the worst aspect of Australian culinary traditions.

It’s hard to overstate just how important Vegemite is to Australia’s sense of self. This picture is from our kitchenette at work: you can see no fewer than 4 jars, all individually labeled.

And in the grocery store you’ll see the Vegemite section, ordered by size of jar starting from the little bitty starter to the huge, gallon size family jar.

When you go to breakfast at a hotel, they’ll have little portion size packets for spreading on your toast – like the little jam packets you get at a diner in the US. And it permeates popular culture in a myriad of ways. If a TV character is late for work in the morning, he's shown rushing out of the house with his Vegemite toast in his mouth. When someone is content they’re referred to as “a happy little Vegemite”. It is also reputed to be an excellent hangover cure, but we will neither confirm nor deny that assertion…

While people will eat it at any occasion, Vegemite is most commonly eaten spread thinly on toast with an underlying layer of butter. People will hotly debate the best type of bread (ciabatta? white bread?) and proper butter/Vegemite proportion. Matt prefers his without butter on whole wheat bread. Marlys prefers hers to remain in the jar.

So happy billionth jar, Vegemite! We’ll try not to remind the Aussies their icon is owned by Kraft – headquartered in the good ol’ US of A.

Shipwreck Coast – Koalas, but no Whales

Back in 2003, one of the more memorable and visually stunning points of our trip was a day spent driving along the Great Ocean Road (GOR) southwest of Melbourne. But when it was time to return to Melbourne, we wondered: what comes after GOR? The answer? The Shipwreck Coast. And with a name like that, who could resist a trip to continue along the road and see what it’s all about?

The Shipwreck Coast stretches along the Victorian coastline from the western end of the Great Ocean Road to the South Australian border. It is so named (duh) because of the many shipwrecks that occurred there, which were caused by the exceptionally stormy seas of the Bass Strait, known to bedevil even the most seasoned captains. Gales would blow sailing ships directly into the miles of steep jagged cliffs that stretch along the coast.

We made our way via an inland route, skipping the more picturesque but winding Great Ocean Road but saving a half day of driving. We arrived in Port Campbell (where the Great Ocean Road ends) to see the famous Twelve Apostles rock formation, one of the most famous – and spectacular - natural landmarks in Australia.



From there we began the journey up the Shipwreck Coast. Our goal for the day (and where we stayed all weekend) was Warrnambool. Warrnambool (pronounced “Warrmbul” - and as one syllable) was a major whaling port in the heyday of whaling 150 years ago, principally because Right Whales and Blue Whales would winter and calve in the bay there – literally yards off shore. Nowadays, only the occasional Japanese “researcher” worries whales, and they have returned to shores of Warrnambool in such good numbers that people flock there July-September (winter) to catch a glimpse.

A few facts about Right Whales: They’re called right whales because whalers thought they were the “right” type to catch. That is, they’re big, blubbery, and float on the surface when dead. The females give birth to a calf every 3 years like clockwork. And they don’t eat the whole 3 months they’re in the bay calving. Sadly, we didn’t see any whales but we vowed to return until we spotted one.

That night we drove just 20 minutes down the coast to Port Fairy. Port Fairy is one of those seaside villages for which the term “picturesque” was invented. The charm of the town reminded us of places like Mystic and other places on the east coast of the US. We wandered around the main street (not one traffic light) and then headed to our dinner. We were lucky to score reservations at the Merrijig Inn, one of the best rural restaurants in Oz. Merrijig has just been granted an additional “chef hat” by The Age Good Food Guide, the Aussie equivalent to Zagat or Michelin. The extra ‘hat’ was well deserved -- we had a delectable meal.

Sunday we awoke to pouring rain. It’s not often we see this sort of rain – the cats and dogs type – in Australia. After 10 years of drought we’d normally be thrilled to see sheets of rain falling from the dark full clouds. However, we had been planning to hike in Mt Richmond National Park that day. Luckily we had an hour’s drive, and as we arrived at the park the rain stopped for the rest of the day. Even better, we were the only ones at the park – presumably because the day had started so miserably. We literally had our own national park. How cool is that?

One of the reasons for selecting Mt Richmond Park was to correct a nagging problem. We’ve been in Oz for a year and we’ve still never seen a koala in the wild. Sure, we’d seen them (repeatedly) at the animal sanctuary, but considering all the Koala Crossing signs we see on the road, we’ve been completely shut out every time when it comes to seeing one in the wild. Twenty minutes into our hike, we finally scored: a mother and baby sitting out on a branch plain as day. And then, with the curse broken, we started spotting koalas all over the park.




After another picnic lunch (olives, bread, cheeses, sausages, almonds and a shared beer) we headed to Cape Bridgewater. Cape Bridgewater is a moonscape along high cliffs with dramatic views of the coast. The wind was whipping the waves against the cliffs – easy to imagine why so many ships floundered, lurched and crashed here.

We made another attempt to see the whales. Same result, so we headed off to the main attraction when the whales are hiding: Flagstaff Hill and the Shipwreck Museum. Flagstaff Hill itself is a recreated whaling village and “not recommended” (aka dull as dishwater) although to be fair, they are supposed to have a fantastic light show at night (designed by the same team that did the Sydney Olympics in 2000). The Shipwreck Museum was great, however. They had a small but impressive collection of artifacts from and local shipwrecks. The most famous was a delicate, perfectly preserved 3 foot porcelain peacock made byMinton in England. It was intended to be displayed in theMelbourne International Exhibition in 1880 and was the only item to survive the other wise completely destroyed Loch Ard. Remarkable to think an item this fragile survived a storm that battered a steel ship to pieces is a mystery.

We also watched a fascinating home movie about a sailing ship rounding Cape Horn. It was filmed by a young man in 1929 – in 1980 the now elderly captain who did the filming added a narration. You really appreciated how daring (audacious?) one must have been to sail on those ships. He filmed during a storm from top of the masts (17 stories up). The boat was heaving and water was crashing over the deck – the ship completely disappears in the ocean at times. We practically got vertigo from looking at the tiny deck below. Oh, and did we mention he was hanging free? There were no safety lines at the time.

After that it was back to Melbourne, but for those of you planning a visit we now have the perfect one day itinerary on the Great Ocean Road and Shipwreck Coast.

Australia by the Numbers

We just passed the one year mark living in Melbourne (August 25th to be exact). While contemplating myriad witty ways to quantify or qualify our last 12 months, we found ourselves counting the number of things we’ve done and seen, so in the end we just figured we’d let the statistics speak for themselves.

Herewith, then, some facts from our 1 year (or so) in Australia:

Number of Australian states visited: 4. NT, NSW, VIC and TAS.

Number remaining: 1. A person really needs a reason to visit Canberra.

Number of other countries visited: 2. New Zealand and Singapore.

Number of dents put on the Commodore: Marlys = 1; Matt = 1

Number of new bikes bought: 2. That’s fair…

Number of flats Matt’s bike has picked up: 2.

Number of flats Marlys’ bike has picked up: 0. Life is not always fair.

Number of miles Matt’s flown: 106,423.

Number of movies Matt has seen on an international flight: 36

Number of movies Matt has seen in an actual move theater: 2.

Number of trips Marlys has made to Healesville Animal Sanctuary: 6.

Number of trips Marlys has made to Healesville Animal Sanctuary since we became members: 0.

Number of wineries visited: about 30. Firm count is a bit hazy for some reason.

Number of footy matches: 5.

Number of cricket matches: 2

Number of visitors: 11.

Number of jars of Vegemite purchased: 5.

Number of boxes of Tim Tams eaten: 6

Number of boxes Tim Tams brought to the US: 23.

Number of times we’ve heard the following in actual conversation:

• “G’day, mate”: 0
• “Shrimp on the barbie”: 0
• “Crikey!”: 1. It was just yesterday.
• “Fair dinkum”: 1
• “Things are so cheap in Melbourne!”: a very big zero.

Number of scuba dives: 0. This is disappointing.

Number of new friends: a lot.

Number of US friends/ family missed: all.

Back in Melbourne

We’re back in the land of Oz after a long, but still too short, visit to the States. It was wonderful to catch up with friends and family – regrettably we couldn’t spend nearly as much time with everyone as we wanted and some people we didn’t get to see at all. Highlights for us were the O’Toole family reunion at Green Lake and our annual trip to Vegas (which included multiple deposits into various casinos but sadly no withdrawals). Marlys, who was on holiday, got to spend a long weekend with her college friends as well as few days in northern WI with her folks. She is not scheduled to be back in the US for a long while, so it was a much needed and much loved time with her posse.

The trip back was actually pretty relaxing. We had a nice long layover in LA and got to go out for a last ‘true’ Mexican meal with Anne. This has gotten to be a regular routine with Anne and, in fact, we think we could qualify as frequent diners at the Hacienda. The minute the plane left the ground, Matt fell asleep for 7-8 hours, and Marlys did manage a few hours of sleep as well. Qantas has individual movie screens so you’ve got your choice of nearly 30 films and lots of (Aussie and US) TV Shows. Movies viewed by Matt: The Bank Job and Cactus (Australian thriller, never to be seen in the US). Movies viewed by Marlys: Leatherheads, What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas, and Iron Man. Plus magazines, newspapers, watching the flight path and the little plane showing how far you have left, a video game or two. Amazing what you can do in 15 hours.

The first couple days back meant getting back to work, getting back on the right time zone (and learning there’s not a lot of good TV at 3 AM in Australia), buying groceries, and doing all the other things you need to do after the house has been closed up for a month. After that we did have a marvelous Melbourne weekend. The weather was “spring like”, which means 60 and sunny. Matt went for a hike in one of his favorite parks (time to see the roos), we took naps each day, church at St Johns, we had a pint at one of our new favorite pubs and watched the footy, and we hit an awesome Art Deco exhibit at the NGV.

This Saturday we’re off to the mountains for dinner at a Swiss restaurant with friends (what is Swiss cuisine, anyway?) and Sunday we have tickets to the footy playoffs. St Kilda (Marlys’ team) made a late season charge and qualified. Unfortunately, they drew Geelong Cats – the defending champions who’ve only lost one game all season. But we’ll still cheer loudly for the red, white and black!

OK, one funny story. Matt was driving the other day and came upon a very sooty, muddy delivery van. Someone had written a message into the van’s abundant dust, but instead of the usual “wash me”, the cheeky wit wrote, “I wish my wife was this dirty”. Ahh, the Australian humo(u)r.

Good Morning, Miss America!

A few entries back Matt wrote about his commute from Melbourne to Minneapolis, a trip he makes quarterly for work. Many of you know how I used to travel weekly for work, mostly to sexy hot spots like Green Bay, Omaha, and St. Louis. Moving to Melbourne meant I got off the road, although I have taken the occasional business trip to Sydney (hmmm, never imaged stringing THAT phrase together).

Now a typical commute for me means walking a ½ block to the tram stop. I never look at the schedule like Matt does, I just walk to the corner and wait for one to come. Often this means I walk part of the way and then I hear the screech of the tram wheels along the track as it makes a turn right before my stop and I break into a ridiculous gallop with my briefcase banging against my leg as I “run” along the sidewalk (or footpath as it’s known here). Right before I turn onto the main street (and before my lungs burst) I slow to a walk and casually come around the corner where the other commuters are waiting. This happens most days. Because we are one of the first stops, I’m usually lucky enough to get a seat, pull out my blackberry and catch up on emails. Nearly everyone else is reading, listening to their iPod or both. I must be a Luddite but when did iPods get to be so popular? Everyone has one. The tram is a sea of silent head-bobbing to the separate rhythms. Even people, like, waaaay older than me have them. What are they listening to, I wonder? Is the old Greek woman with the moustache dressed head to toe in black a 50 Cent fan? Sometimes people play their “music” so loud I can hear it - one woman listened to the same Kelly Clarkson song THREE times IN A ROW. I looked at her and (telepathically) said, “Hey, I know what you’re doing there. I KNOW you’ve played the same song three times. And, you know, not even a GOOD song.”

The best part of my commute is getting my flat white. In Australia, they have a different name for every sort of coffee, short black (espresso), long black (regular coffee), or flat white which is I guess like a latte (coffee and hot milk) but not really a latte as lattes are also on the menu - they’re called “lattes”. After I alight from my tram I go to a little Italian restaurant for my morning coffee. The two guys behind the counter, Michael and Angelo, wear black pants, white shirts, and black aprons. Angelo is the one who makes my coffee. He didn’t acknowledge me until I had been there about, oh, 30 times or so, but now I get a smile and a “Hello signora!” from him. Michael on the other hand greets me every morning with “Good Morning, Miss America!” Some days he sings to me: “Nothing like the old songs”, he always says. Dean Martin, Tom Jones, and sometimes, if I’m lucky, an old Italian opera that I don’t understand the words to and, frankly, Michael doesn’t know the words to so it’s sort of a dah dee lala laaaaa dah sort of thing. Regardless, a great way to start my day.

Perhaps I should have said Gerard Depardieu?

Apologies for the dearth of stories, but as many of you know Matt’s been back in Minnesota for a few weeks and Marlys is only joining him this weekend. We've both been a mite busy. However, that’s not to say nothing amusing happens to us in St Paul. And after having Marlys relate a few embarrassing stories, it only seems to be appropriate to prove Matt has his fair share of moments, too.

Setting: Groveland Tap in St Paul about 8 PM. After a long day of work Matt has treated himself to a Cajun Lucy and a Summit Pilsner (two very important advantages of St Paul over Melbourne) and the waitress (approximately 19 years old and, well, a bit ditsy) has brought the check.

Waitress (twirling blond hair in finger): "Has anyone ever told you that you look like a movie star? I just can’t remember who."

Matt (blushing and increasing tip by 50%): "Why no. Perhaps you’re thinking of Brad Pitt?"

Waitress (giggling): "No, silly. I’d remember if it was someone good looking."

Cue sound of ego deflating.

Special Guest Blogger: Fran!

Today we are very, very proud to publish a post from our beloved niece, Fran. But before we do, a few prefatory remarks are necessary. One, Fran wrote this all by herself and there was no adult editing involved - certainly none by her aunt or uncle. Two, we know we can never write as well as this (and she's 11!), so don't get used to this literary standard. And three, we think it was very kind of her to omit the incident where her father was bitten in the derriere by a large pelican, so we won't mention it either.

And now, take it away Fran!!

The first words I heard when I stepped off the plane that had carried me half-way across the world was "G’day Ma’am!’ It was the stewardess who spoke those words. They were the first words of a spectacular Aussie adventure.

My experience in Melbourne in particular has been amazing. Matt and Marlys took us to many wonderful places inside and outside the city. My six-day experience has led to many new discoveries in Melbourne including a game called Australian Rules Football. It is a fast-paced game with many different rules. The team that we saw play were the Bulldogs. It was a crazy, wonderful, and brilliant game. However sitting in the stands of the arena was no match to the next place Matt and Marlys took us to, outside of Melbourne in the bush. The Mornington Peninsula is where the raging waters of the Bass Strait collide with the calm waters of Port Phillip Bay. The Bass Strait crashes with so much force that the ocean spray flies up and the sound deafens the ear. Standing atop the peninsula cliff looking into the watery depths below you, it seems that at that time the oceans’ temperamental beauty becomes clear. When you tear your eyes from the ocean and you look behind you can see a new sea; a sea of green. The ocean of green is created by the tops of a gigantic eucalyptus trees. It’s a wonderful sight.

Next we were taken to Healesville sanctuary where they have all the Australian Animals in their natural environment. We saw wallabies, dingoes, emus, koalas, wombats, Tasmanian devils, snakes (Taipan etc.), and kookaburras. Kookaburra‘s laughs I have found are definitely laughing at you not with you! We also went driving through a mountain road that led to a forest that looked astonishingly like Jurassic park! There were huge Mountain Ash trees that formed a cathedral like pattern. There were also giant ferns everywhere! I half expected a T-Rex to come bounding at our car!

We left from Melbourne to tour a little more of Australia. When we came back we went to Vick Market, a outdoor market full of Australian charm. We explored St. Kilda, which is a cute Melbourne neighborhood. Melbourne has a lot of great things to see, like the Eureka Tower and Luna Park. Melbourne is a charming city with many things that keep you happy and entertained. The famous Melbourne Tram transportation can take you all over the city and to some of the many great Melbourne attractions!

I would like to finish by thanking Matt and Marlys for their excellent hospitality! We owe them so much, I cant tell you how much a nice comfortable bed, a hot shower, and people you love to talk to, really improves your trip. They took us around Melbourne and the surrounding areas, took us to hidden wonders and showed us the best of Melbourne.

OK, one last thing. We showed Fran off to all our friends and co-workers in Melbourne, and she was an instant hit. Everyone is asking when she'll be back!

Independence Day – Gippsland Edition

Living overseas has made us feel more, not less, American. The simple fact is that’s how people refer to us: "the Americans". In the US everyone is a Yank so you’re never introduced as “my American friend". But here that's the inevitable first impression and so when you meet someone you're immediately saddled with all the baggage, good and bad, of the United States. There's plenty of good, mind you. Everyone wants to share their stories of travelling to the US. But I can't tell you how many times people have expressed surprise at my thoughts or behavior because it is, in their mind, un-American; i.e., not wasteful, loud, and ignorant of the rest of the world. And we are also expected to explain or, sometimes, defend whatever US event makes the news. We also worry more about our behavior ("Was I inadvertently loud or rude like the stereotypical American tourist?") because we know what we do will color people's impressions of USA. In short, it's a daily fact of life that we must act as unofficial, unpaid ambassadors.

With that in mind, when invited back to the farm in Yarram over the July 4th weekend we offered to cook up a real American 4th of July BBQ spread for everyone. This was immediately accepted (what host in their right mind turns down the offer of the guest doing the cooking?) and we set out to show them just how tasty an event this could be.

Motoring down the Monash Freeway to Yarram on Friday after work, traffic conditions were just like I-35 heading north out of the Twin Cities on a Friday afternoon. Slooooow. But this left us plenty of time to consider the names of the towns along the way: Koo Wee Rup, Nar Nar Goon, Bunyip, Kurumburra, Noojee, Mount Baw Baw, Won Wron (one hit, no errors, no one left on base), and Moe (pronounced “mo-EE”).

No trip to Yarram is complete without some sort of drama from Matt. You may recall on the last trip Matt was shooting at empty beer cartons with the other guys when one rifle – the one with a particular kick –gave Matt a half moon scar on his forehead as a permanent reminder of the bush. This time the drama involved the “road”. The track up to Fay’s house is long, very steep, and windy. It’s unpaved and riddled with washouts, potholes and gullies.

ANYWAY, Matt got about 1/8th the way up and immediately slid into a narrow ditch on the side of the rode. Alas, the Commodore, for all her lovely virtues, does not have 4x4 clearance and we were stuck. As Matt started to walk up the ½ mile track to the house (using his cell phone as a flashlight), the people in the house realized we were missing and drove down to find us.

No worries. Fay called the RACV (the Victorian version of AAA) and “Baggsy” rocked up about 10 minutes later in his Ute to pull us out. Which took about 5 seconds. As thanks, Fay invited him in for a can of beer, which, being the typical Aussie bloke, Baggsy accepted. And being a typical Aussie bloke, he immediately fished his stubby holder (beer can cooler) out of his jacket pocket and awaited his VB. He later let slip it was his third one of the night – rescue and beer, we understand.

On Saturday afternoon a bunch of the local young farmers showed up in their 4x4s and Matt was invited out for a ride. Marlys did not see him depart and so was unaware of one important feature of the ride: it did not involve sitting in the cab of the 4x4, but standing in the bed of the pickup and holding onto the roll bar. Don’t worry, he received top notch safety instructions: “If it starts to roll, jump away from the roll. And go quick because if you’re slow everyone else will use you for leverage.” One has never lived until they’ve driven along washed out fire roads at 40 mph on the back of a pick up. The scenery was gorgeous (Matt saw a lyre bird, which is very rare) and although the Ute never rolled (some people seemed disappointed) Matt was sufficiently terrified to deem it a once in a lifetime experience.

Marlys (let’s be honest, she’s the chef and party planner) put on a fantastic BBQ. There were frankfurters, baked beans, potato salad with eggs, cole slaw, and 3-bean salad (note to self: cabbage, 2 bean dishes, eggs, and lots of pork products = an aromatic ride home). And in true O’Toole family tradition, our friend Dom ensured there was an American flag dessert. Afterward we all sat around a bonfire, lit sparklers and stayed up late talking and looking at the stars. This far out in the bush the constellations are unrecognizable because there are so many stars! The 4th couldn’t have been more perfect.

Crimson Rosellas. There were a dozen that hung around the house.

Dom's Flag Cupcakes

Where the Bloody Hell Have you Been?®

You may have noticed our last few posts were written by other people, and I suppose you have been wondering what we've been up to the past couple months. So we took a squiz at our diaries (Eek! ‘Strine! Here’s the American translation: “we took a look at our calendars”) and here, in a nutshell, is what we’ve been doing.

Work. Lots of it.

A trip. In May we were supposed to spend 5 days on the tropical island of New Caledonia. However, because of the French civil service we spent 4 days at Ayer’s Rock in the red center of Australia. There’s more to this story (and pictures) so we’ll put up a longer post when we get the chance.

More work. Lots more.

Visitors. Marg, Monique, Pat, John and Fran all came to stay. We got to show off our new city and more importantly see a few faces we’ve missed. Rather than tell you how great it was, we’ll let them do it in their own words: there is a link to Monique’s trip in the previous post and Fran is going to give us some material when she returns to the States. The lucky girl is in New Zealand right now.

Still more work. Still lots of it.

That's what's been going on. I know - boring. So what’s up next for us? Well, this weekend we are heading back to Lucy & Fay’s farm in Gippsland (described at "Australia Day"). Since we went there for Australia Day, it only seems right we go back for the Fourth of July. We are putting on a real American BBQ Saturday to show these Aussies how to celebrate your nation’s founding.

Speaking of Gippsland (and to give you a little flavor of the region), the second biggest Australian political news in the last few weeks is their by-election. The old MP suddenly quit and the election was seen as a referendum on the current Labor government. Labor got creamed, but that’s not necessarily any indication of the national mood. The reason they lost (and here’s the real insight into Gippsland) is the Labor government wants to close a post office in Tarralgon, the biggest town. That‘s how rural Gippsland is – closing a post office will lose you an election.

So if that's the number two political story, what’s number one? Easy –it’s “Iguanagate”. Yes, American cultural imperialism has reached the point where others now mimic the annoying habit of adding “-gate” to every political scandal. Anyhow, the short story is a Labor MP got drunk at a bar (Iguana Joe's) and was tossed out. On her way out, she threatened to have their liquor license revoked and said such brilliant things as “do you know who I am? I'll make you regret this!”. Once the story broke, she should have just apologized and said “I was drunk and stupid”. The story would have died immediately - she’s a politician so such behavior is expected. But instead she bullied her staff and others to change sworn statements about what happened that night. And when that got out, she started looking at criminal charges akin to suborning perjury. Uh oh. It doesn’t help that in a movie she’d be played by Philip Seymour Hoffman.

So that’s what’s going on in the sunburnt country. Here’s some pictures so you know we’re not just typing this from our basement in St Paul:

Us at Ayer's Rock
Ayer's Rock at Sunrise
A Wild Camel We Saw at the Olgas

It's Winter Here!

Melbourne Review

Want to know what a trip to Melbourne is like? Check out the review in this blog: Marvelous Melbourne

Great story MQ!

Out of the Mouths of Babes

People always ask what we miss the most about the US. While black beans are wayyyyy up there, missing our nieces and nephews (age 6 months to 32 years) is the certainly the hardest part about being so far away.

We asked all of them (those old enough to string together complete sentences, anyway) to submit a question or two about Australia. Without further ado, here’s what's on the minds of generations X, Y, and Z.

Britta is 14 and loves country music, movies, and hockey. She is taking Driver’s Ed and is looking forward to her 15th birthday and getting her permit. Her favorite vegetable is broccoli and her hobby is teasing her Uncle Matt.

Q: Have Aborigines been integrated into Australian businesses or are they more separate?
A: One of Australia’s biggest social problems is the inequality of Aboriginals – or Indigenous People. You do not find Aboriginals in the cities or working for big companies. There are no Aboriginals in federal parliament and no national leaders are Aboriginals. While Americans debate whether Barack Obama can be the first black president, no one in Australia can even conceive of an Aboriginal prime minister. The only place where Aboriginals can be seen in any noticeable numbers is in professional football (Aussie rules), where they are recognized as great athletes.

Esko is 13 and a sports enthusiast. He likes to fish, swim, play baseball and golf but his all-time favorite sport to play is hockey. He’s also a huge fan of the Minnesota Wild.

Q (not surprisingly): Does Australia have any hockey rinks?
A: According to the organisation "Ice Skating Australia" there are 20 ice skating rinks in the country. Sadly, there are no reports of hockey and all rinks are devoted to developing and preparing elite Australian athletes for participation in international figure-skating events. The rinks do have some interesting names, however. My personal favorite is Big Banana Ice Rink.

Will is 5 years old. He likes soccer, gadgets, dangerous animals, hanging out with his cousin Jared, and most kinds of candy. He recently lost his first tooth.

Q: Have you seen any real live sharks?
A: Not since our dive trip on the Great Barrier Reef in 2003.

Q: Have you seen any funnel web spiders?
A: No, but a woman we work with has a sister who lives in Sydney and during the summer she has to clean her swimming pool every morning to get rid of the funnel spiders that got into the pool overnight. We also saw a big poisonous spider a couple weeks ago when we were in the Northern Territories. Marlys kept telling Matt to “get closer”. Matt was smart enough to disobey.

Q: What do the funnel web spiders look like?
A: Funnel-webs are large spiders (1.5 - 4.5 cm body length) with a glossy dark brown to black carapace. The abdomen is usually dark plum to black and not patterned.

Q: What is your apartment called?
A: As Buckingham Palace, the White House, Tara, and Love Shack were taken, we just call it home sweet home.

Q: Are there lots of boats there?
A: Yes, we live on Port Phillip Bay, which is part of the Pacific Ocean, so lots of people have sailboats. But there are also cruise ships, barges, fishing boats, and ferries, all of which we watch from Tara…. I mean home.

Q: Have you seen any blue ring octopi (excellent use of the correct plural declension, Will!)?
A: No. The claim to fame for the blue ring octopus is its neuromuscular paralyzing venom, which is a poison more deadly than that of any land animal. The good news is the blue ring octopus is not an aggressive animal and it would rather eat fish and invertebrates. By the way, the toxin in Blue Ring Octopus poison is the same one found in the deadly Funnel Web Spider’s venom!

Q: And tell me if you saw any sharks.
A: Still no.

Mirabel is 3 (4 in just a couple weeks). She loves fruit, animals, mermaids and the color pink. She is going to ballet camp this summer and we can’t wait to see her dance. Her favorite ice cream is chocolate. Mirabel is between big brother, Will, and little sister, our darling red-headed Luz (who’s 1).

Q: Have you seen any kangaroos?
A: Yes, we have seen lots of kangaroos – groups are called ‘mobs’ - at animal sanctuaries and in the wild.

Q: Have you seen any penguins there?
A: Yes, we live 2 hours away from a natural penguin habitat. They are called fairy penguins.

Q: Talk about salad for the polar bears.
A: Polar bears – or any sort of bear – are not indigenous to Australia. The only bears are in the zoo and come from other countries. Koalas are sometimes called “Koala Bears” but this is incorrect – Koalas are marsupials and an Aussie will correct you if you say Koala Bear. Koalas eat eucalyptus leaves, which is kind of like a salad.

Q: I’m curious about the tigers at Australia since tigers are very cool. I like the way that tigers eat salad.
A: The only tigers in Australia are the Richmond Tigers, a footy team.

Joseph is 3. He is crazy for trains and his monkey, Mambo. He likes books and match-box cars and is the big brother of one year old Dominic.

Q: Is it true kangaroos can surf? I saw a picture of this once but I'm not sure if they can.
A: We’ve never heard of a kangaroo surfing, but last summer there was a story in the paper where people saw a kangaroo hop into the ocean and get eaten by a great white shark. We're not kidding.

Zuriah is 6, turning 7 in a month, and our great-nephew (mom is our niece, Chrishaunda). “Z”, as he’s known, likes magic tricks and is quick witted with a great sense of humor. Z has a new baby brother, 6-month old Tavien, who’s been dubbed by Z as “Tav-man the caveman”.

Q: Are there lots of kangaroos and wild beasts in Australia?
A: There are lots of wild animals and many that are only found in Australia. In addition to kangaroos, we’ve seen wombats, echidnas, platypi, koalas, and lots of birds like cockatoos, magpies, and kookaburras.

Q. I want to know if there are any lakes out there.
A. Lake Eyre in the state of South Australia is the largest lake when it fills. Like most lakes in Australia it has a heavy salt content and runs very low during the dry season. Lake Eyre has only filled six times since 1885 so…not much of a lake for those of us used to the Great Lakes. Lake Eyre is also the lowest point in all of Australia.

Corrina is 7. She’s funny, kind, and a fantastic swimmer. Corrina loves playing Legos with brother Jared and is fond of adventures…she holds the family record for the most broken bones and stitches. She is absolutely stylin’ in her new eye-glasses.

Q: Do you have computers?
A: Yes. That’s how we do our work everyday.

Q: Do you have paper?
A: Yes. But paper is very expensive. Did you know that Melbourne has the most expensive toilet paper in the world? (Again - we’re not kidding).

Q: Do you swim in the ocean?
A: Yes, although it is winter now so the water is cold.

Q: Do you have drums?
A: No, but there are bands here who do. There's a traditional Aboriginal musical instrument called the didgeridoo, which is a hollowed out log that can be played sort of like a bassoon or clarinet. It is a very unique instrument.

Jared is 9. He loves performing and is quite the budding actor. He loves exploring, pirates (& treasure maps), snakes, reptiles, and Legos. His favorite color is orange.

Q: Do you exercise outside?
A: Matt does, Marlys exercises her right to free speech.

Q: Do you have missiles?
A: The Australian Air force is well equipped with missiles. They are friends with the American army and are fighting with the US in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Q: Do you have game shows?
A: Yes. Most of the game shows are a rehash of USA shows like Deal or No Deal, although the most they can win is A$250,000. One of our favorite shows is called Spicks and Specks. This is a music game show with two teams made up of major and minor celebrities – mostly radio personalities or band members we never heard of, although Geoffrey Rush (fellow Melbournian who won an Oscar playing a pianist in the movie, Shine) was on once. Spicks and Specks enlightens and entertains - and exposes the world of music like never before. The teams go head to head as they sing, shout, and delve deep into the recesses of their collective minds to earn their team an extremely inglorious victory (i.e., no prizes). Whether discussing the lyrical genius of Gilbert and Sullivan, the reasons Ozzy Osborne wore a dress or just how a musician can choke on a harmonica, no musical genre is overlooked… well, except for maybe Swedish folk music, but hey, we all have limits.

Dusty is the oldest (32) and lives in Denver. He submitted these questions under opprobrious duress from his favorite Auntie. Dusty amazes us at his capacity for trivia. He has an unbelievable memory and the ability to recall obscure facts from some news show, article, or documentary. He’s a fan of poker and Jack Daniels. He has two siblings – Chrishaunda and Elias. While Chrishaunda is represented by her son Zuriah in this blog, Elias (who just turned 24) entirely ignored our request to submit a question for the blog entry and will be dealt with later….

Q: What is the highest recorded temp in the outback?
A: The highest recorded temp was 50.7 C (123.3 degrees Fahrenheit) in January 2nd, 1960 in the town of Oodnadatta. Oodnadatta is in the state of South Australia and in 2006 had a population of 277 people.

Q: Has it ever snowed?
A: Yes. While Australia is mostly desert (approx. 40% of the landmass is covered by sand) some states – the alpine areas of Victoria, New South Wales, Tasmania – get snowfall every year and even have ski resorts. But winters are very mild, even in the mountains, and most Australians only dream of playing in and seeing snow.

For those of you keeping score, we have 13 nieces and nephews (if we’re still counting Elias, that is) and 2 great-nephews. Due to their age, Tavien, Luz and Dominic got a pass on participating in this little project. Our niece Fran does not feature on the above as she is currently down under visiting us. Tune in again soon as Fran will be our SPECIAL GUEST BLOGGER !

Dry Thoughts on a Rainy Day

It’s raining today so of course all thoughts in Melbourne are on the current drought. It is the height of bad manners in Australia to complain about receiving rain, and instead everyone says “I hope it’s falling in the [water] catchments.” The experts say we need two straight years of above average rainfall to break the drought because one year will just loosen up the hard, hard soil. Unfortunately, this May has been extremely dry - and May is supposed to be one of the wetter months.

We were in a town called Ballarat a few weeks ago, and decided to ride our bikes around Lake Wendouree, a tourist attraction in town. For you Twin Citians, Lake Wendouree is about the size of Lake Calhoun, and during the 1956 Olympics the rowing and canoeing competitions were held on Wendouree.

But as you can see from the photos above, the lake is completely dry. Those buildings off in the distance? Those are boathouses. It was eerie riding around a lake, seeing signs like “no swimming” and passing rowing clubs, boat launches, fishing piers, and mooring buoys, all sitting on a dusty pan of former lake.

And now… MORE about sports….

As many of you are aware, we were very fortunate to have a couple destination options for this international assignment – Brussels, London, and Melbourne. As we were weighing the pros and cons of each, we received some excellent advice from our friends Donna and Dirk – long time expats themselves. Dirk said, “As you’re choosing, think about what you’ll be doing when you’re NOT working. Consider where you want to wake up each morning.” Hmmm foggy London? With the bad traffic and high cost of living? Or Melbourne? Endless beaches, sunshine, and kangaroos? Right. Melbourne it is. (No, we never considered Brussels…). Donna advised, “When you’re living abroad, don’t live like a temporary citizen. Embrace the city and culture as if you were planning to spend the rest of your lives there.” There have been a few blog references to sports and how Australians – especially Melbournians – are crazy for any sort of sport. As part of our quest to truly embrace the city and ‘live like a local’ we’ve attended a number of sporting events.

Tennis
The Australian Open (one of the big 4 – the other three being US Open, Wimbledon, and The French Open at Roland Garros) is held in Melbourne each January. (Yes, Tanya, you can gloat to your friends that you were correct.) The “Asia Pacific Tennis Grand Slam” is fabulous. The tennis grounds are permanent, with 3 major arenas and 22 side courts where you can get close to your favorite players. You can get up close with Andy Roddick, James Blake, Jarkko Nieminen, the Williams sisters, or Raphael Nadal as they practice, play doubles, or in early round matches, play singles. It is THE BEST way to spend a day. The hot January sun beating down, ice cold VB, hushed crowds, and the rhythmic sound of the tennis ball bouncing off the racket and the new cobalt blue courts – unless of course you’re watching Maria Sharapova where each shot is punctuated with her signature grunt.

If you think this event is completely peaceful and innocuous, here’s an excerpt from the January 16 newspaper, The Herald Sun.

“THE Australian Open erupted in ugly violence last night as police doused tennis fans with capsicum [ed. that’s ‘Strine for pepper] spray. Panic gripped Margaret Court Arena as spectators gasped for air after coming into contact with the spray. Many ran for the exits and the match had to be stopped. Police used the spray to try to subdue fans of Greek player Konstantinos Economidis who became upset when police tried to evict members of their cheer squad.”


Can you imagine tennis fans being so unruly that they need to be pepper sprayed? Yep. If they’re AUSSIE tennis fans.

M&M at Australian Open in Jan

Australian Rules Football
Australian rules football, Australian football, Aussie rules, or simply “footy” is a sight to behold. It’s played between two teams of 18 players on a large oval grass field with four goal posts at each end. Half the footy teams are based in Victoria and I tell you, Melbournians are MAD for this game.

It’s a game I wouldn’t necessarily think of as intuitive and it takes a while to get the hang of how it works. Lots of men without helmets, padding, or any other protective gear running, jumping, tackling, and kicking (the football) back and forth across the field. I have no idea what is going on, but then Matt finally came up with this explanation – imagine a game combined of soccer, rugby, and keep away… THAT’S IT! I’ve got it!

Now, can someone explain why the uniforms are so hideous? There’s one team – Hawthorn – that’s known as the “poos and wees” this is because the team colors are urine yellow and excrement brown. What could be worse than these colors? I’ll tell you what could be worse – the putrid way they’re displayed on the stripped knee socks and jerseys the players wear, that’s what. Imagine thick, alternating swathes of the offending colors. I just can’t get behind a team that looks that revolting.

Neither can our (aforementioned) friend, Tanya. John and Tanya made their second journey to Australia this past March. We had a fabulous time visiting pubs on St. Patrick’s Day, the Melbourne laneways, the Yarra valley and a Hawthorn vs. Melbourne footy match. Hawthorn is a top tier team and they beat the pants off of the Melbourne Demons. How badly you ask? By more than 100 points. That’s not just a win… it’s humiliation. John and Tanya took a spin around the massive arena (which seats 90,000!) and returned with a souvenir. A Melbourne Demons shirt. Tanya shrugged her shoulders, “I just couldn’t pay good money for Hawthorn shirt – they’re horrible”.

This year, Aussie rules celebrates 150 years of Australian Football. I’ve decided to barrack (Australians don’t say root…rooting is only done by consenting adults) for St. Kilda – the area of town closest to where we live. They’re called the Saints and their colors are black, white, and red. Now this is a team I can cheer for!

Tanya, John, and Matt at Footy

Cricket
For us Yanks cricket has always been that genteel game played by snooty British twits wearing white pants and cardigans and saying things like “By Jove, splendid wicket there Lord Reginald!” In reality, cricket is nothing like that: in Australia (and every other cricket country) it is a sport played by the common masses and inspires the same sort of rabid intensity of sport fans of any class or socioeconomic status. In fact, in Australia going to the cricket is considered the ideal party day out for the younger set – which we learned at the matches we attended this year.

Remember a few paragraphs ago where I said Aussie rules isn’t very intuitive? Let me tell you a little about cricket. Cricket has been around over 250 years. It is a bat and ball sport played by two teams with 11 players each, although when a team is batting that team only has two players on the field and they are both batsmen (batters). The batsmen) are “bowled” (pitched) to by a bowler. Why don’t they just say “pitch”, like baseball? Because “the pitch” is a rectangular area of the ground approx. 20 yards length the bowlers run along before they bowl the ball (a hard Cricket ball about the size of a fist, thrown overhand into the pitch, it should bounce once and then reach the batsman). Behind each of the (2) batsman (one on each end of the pitch) there are two sets of “wickets”. Wickets consist of three wooden stumps (a couple feet high) with two bails (wooden doo hickeys) on top.

As a batsman, the object is to hit (bat) the cricket ball in order to defend the wicket that’s right behind you. When you do bat the ball, you and the second batsman (non-striker), run back and forth across the pitch to score runs while the other team (mostly comprised of fielders) races to catch or field the ball and get one (or another) of the batsmen out. If you hit it out of the field (a “boundary”) in the air its 6 runs. A boundary on the ground is 4 runs.

There are multiple forms of cricket but the three most common versions are –20 over cricket, one day cricket, and test cricket, the last which is a match that spans several days. The two longer ones have breaks in the match. The breaks are not called anything like “interval” or “half time”, they’re called “tea”, “lunch” and “drinks”.

Confused yet?

When booking tickets Matt had no idea where to sit so he bought reserved seats, not general admission, to ensure we were not amongst the unwashed masses. When Kris, a co-worker, mentioned all the seats are great except for those in “Bay 13”, which he described as a haven for the young, the drunk, the slightly offensive – you get the picture. Matt googled “bay 13”, and sure enough, it was mentioned in several news articles. The most common adjectives in the stories were “notorious”, “rowdy”, “intoxicated”, and “arrests”. The actual area had been eliminated by a reconstruction of the Melbourne Cricket Ground (aka the MCG or just “the “G”) a few years ago, but the atmosphere lingered in the general vicinity: Hmm, should we be worried our seats were in “section 13”?

We brought our good friends Megan and Will (visitors from the states and cricket virgins) to the match. “It will be a great way to spend a leisurely afternoon” we said. “Sunny Sunday, quiet and relaxing like baseball”, we said. Not in Australia. The fans were intense, riveted, and unruly. In the end we sat above section 13, which meant we were out of the hooligan section but had an excellent view of it. Fans – replete with face paint and wearing Australian flags as capes – were getting hauled off by police at a regular clip and the Melbourne police set up a temporary office to book, fingerprint, and/or fine the offending fans.

Megan and Marlys watched 4 hours before deciding they had enough. Matt and Will stayed on a few more hours until the end. Imagine the poor blokes hauled out of the MCG – some pulled out and arrested even before the first bowl. That means missing 6 (or more) hours of cricket with your friends. Although we suppose that does mean enough time to make bail, sober up, go home, change, have a few beers, and head back to the MCG to meet up with your friends and catch the end of the game.

Some of you may ask how you know when a Cricket match is over and there’s a winner. My answer is: that’s a REALLY good question.

Bay 13

Marlys & Matt at Cricket

Matt wearing Aussie Cricket jumper outside the G

Views on Americans

People often ask us what Australians (and others) think of Americans. Rather than bore you with our thoughts, read the comment section in the article below. The original article was about whether the US is underrated as a travel destination, but in the comments Australians talk about their impressions of Americans and travelling around America.

The good news? Most loved the States, and the ones who don't almost invariably come off sounding like morons.

http://blogs.theage.com.au/travel/archives/2008/04/the_most_underrated_country_in_the_world.html

Enter the Dark Ages

We've written about the drought. We've sent you e-mails in January complaining about how bloody hot it is. No doubt we've created the impression that Melbourne is the land of eternal sunshine.

Well, let us correct that impression. It has been raining. And cold. Every day. For the past two weeks. And since we are approaching the winter solstice, it is also dark. Early. As we go into work and before we go home.

No wonder everyone wears black here. It suits the current mood.

Marlys & Nita - Not Quite Thelma & Louise

While Matt was in the US Marlys has a visit from our sister-in-law, Nita. Nita is “the runner”. She’s run a marathon in all 50 states, every Canadian province (however many those are), and all 7 continents. Nita is now going to honor our time in Australia by running a marathon in all 8 Australian states. She's already ticked off Queensland and came to run in our home state of Victoria and the ACT (Australian Capitol Territory, aka Canberra).

Marlys and Nita hit the town while she was here. One trip was to the Crown Casino, the big Vegas style casino (complete with light and fire shows, cabarets, and swank restaurants) in the middle of Melbourne and right on the Yarra River. Nita and Marlys have gambled before – during a girl’s long weekend with Marlys' Grandma Impi in Vegas in the early 90’s and once when they used the woman's bathroom at the Great Wall in China (a story not really fit for these blog pages!).

The Melbourne casino doesn’t have video poker but it does have blackjack. Nita under-budgeted and over-lost. Marlys had not played blackjack since the Vegas trip with Nita years ago - she plays 3 card poker these days. Fortunately it all came back to her and she went up $75. At which point Nita pounced and announced Marlys was buying dinner. While at the table they met a few blokes, started "the wave", and had people betting on their hands. Marlys earned 5 pairs with one hand, paying out at 25 to one. There was one crazy hand where the dealer almost ran out of table for his cards. He dealt himself 4 - 3 - 2 - 3 - ace - 2 - ace - 8 and he kept counting his cards until Marlys yelled out, "Dude, you got like...an 89!!" which cracked up the whole table. Then someone chimed, "you can keep counting but you lost...pay us!!!".

Many of Melbourne’s city highlights are centered around the CBD (Central Business District – Melbourne’s ‘downtown’). Nita soon became very familiar with the CBD and all it had to offer. But there was one perplexing traffic move – the hook turn. Ahhhh, hook turns. Melbourne has instituted this unique driving phenomenon because of the trams running down the middle of the road in the CBD. Since you drive on the left in Australia, when you want to turn right you would block the tram tracks if you waited in the middle of the road to make your turn. So instead, you turn on your right indicator and proceed to the far LEFT lane, wait for the green light to turn to RED and THEN cross 6 lanes of traffic and two tram lines to complete your right turn. Nita's new favorite pastime became waiting for the subsequent crash which she expected to happen any moment. Her second favorite thing was when multiple cars and a motorcycle are all waiting to turn right. Hook turns are only found in Melbourne so you're just going to have to come here to see one for yourself!!!

And in Today's News....

You’ve heard it before - Australians are a sports-mad people. I know we’ve written it in this blog, and if you Google “sports mad Australians” you’ll get 229,000 hits (now 229,001 with this post). So I’m never surprised that a sports story is on the front page of the paper.

But last week was something else. Here’s what happened. A footy player, Barry Hall of the Sydney Swans, king hit another player in the middle of a match. “King hit” is Australian for “sucker punch”. Not sure why they call it a king hit. Maybe something to do with that famous pugilistic poobah, Don King? Or maybe Billy Jean? Anyhoo, it was captured live on TV and in lots of lurid photographs.

Since then both daily papers – The Age (lefty intellectual broadsheet) and the Herald Sun (Rupert Murdoch’s right wing tabloid) have had stories about Hall and his punch on the front page every single day, with banner headlines and lots of pictures. The stories do vary. Some are about Hall, some about the guy he hit, some about famous “king hits” in the past, sometimes they trot out a neurosurgeon to discuss possible brain injury, etc, etc. But come on people – isn’t there anything more important to write about? Australia have soldiers dying in Afghanistan, there’s a drought on, there are car crashes, and the police are having sex with transvestites in the station houses (no, I did not make that up). At a minimum, Brittany Spears must have done something in the last week!

But no, the king hit stories continued until Friday (a full week after the punch), when the Herald Sun finally led with a different story: they tracked down footy’s most famous female streaker somewhere in the bush of the Northern Territories and scooped an interview. You gotta give it up for the Sun, they found the perfect story: combine sports and naked women, and you can even splash a picture of the woman au natural on the front page to give us some historical context.

Good onya, Rupert.

A Look at That Bike

Judging by our reader mailbag, the "Marlys Gets a Bike" story is the runaway crowd favorite. So here's a picture of Marlys and her new machine (Please pronounced the "ch" as you would in "charge"). Trust us - it has wheels.

Matt’s Quarterly Commute or How to Have a Layover

Judging by the “fan” mail, some of you noticed the dearth of new posts in the last month. Sorry to have disappointed our dear readers, but Matt was back in the States for a couple weeks and Marlys was busy entertaining guests. And oh, yeah - we have jobs, too. However, we do have some half-written posts we are going to finish and display as soon as we have a chance. But here’s something to whet your appetite until we can give you another stirring story of our Australian adventure.

Matt left the Twin Cities last Thursday and was due to arrive in Melbourne on Saturday morning. He had a 7 PM flight from MSP to LA, a two and a half hour layover, then the long flight to Melbourne. Matt normally takes the 5 PM flight from MSP because he doesn’t want to worry about him or his bags making the connection in LA. But this time the travel agent mistakenly put him on the 7 PM and he didn’t bother to change it. A critical error.

As many of you know, the weather in the Twin Cities was terrible that Thursday. Cold with a sort of rain/snow/slush combo precipitation. As a result: the airport was down to one runway for a couple hours, and they even closed for a time. The 7 PM departure became 8:45, and eventually, after an hour of sitting on the ground followed by nearly an hour de-icing, 10 PM. Matt finally arrived in LA at the uncivilized hour of 12:30 AM. (Question: 12:30 is written 0:30 on the 24 hour clock, which captures the late hour much better, don’t you think?). Qantas #94 to Melbourne was somewhere over the Catalina Islands by then.

The problem with missing the connection in LA is that all flights to Australia, whether going direct to Melbourne or Sydney or getting there via a connection, leave within a 3 hour window starting at 9 PM. So if you miss your flight, you can’t "grab the next one" or go "first thing the next morning". Matt faced the prospect of a full day in the City of Angels, no doubt in some cockroach infested fleabag hotel supplied (grudgingly) by Northwest.

All this sounds like the beginning of one of those nightmare travel stories, but thankfully it’s nothing of the sort. While still in the Twin Cities, but knowing there was no way on earth he was getting on his Qantas flight that night, Matt called our friend Anne, who lives in LA, and asked if he could spend the night at her place. And not only did Anne pick him up at the airport at 1 AM (01:00), she called the airline and got him confirmed on the next flight to Melbourne (tomorrow) while he was winging his way over the Great Plains.

So Friday, rather than being spent sitting in the El Roach-o Motel and desperately dialing to get onto a plane to Oz, proceeded completely differently. Anne lives on the beach and it was a gorgeous day in LA, so Matt slept in, got a few work projects done, took a long walk on the beach, followed by burrito lunch, a few hours reading on the beach, and then a Mexican dinner with Anne. (As many of you know, the dearth of Mexicans in Australia means there is absolutely no decent Mexican food on the continent, so the opportunity to inhale as many tortilla chips, black beans, and carnitas as possible is not to be missed). After a few cerveza and great conversation, Anne took Matt to lovely LAX, where he leisurely caught the flight to Melbourne and Marlys. Now THAT’s how an unexpected layover should work.

Thanks Anne!