Signs

One of our favorite pastimes driving the roads of Victoria is seeing various road signs that are truly foreign to the US. A large proportion are animal crossing signs e.g., kangaroo, echidna, wombat, and koala. Some are your warning or danger signs like no swimming – crocodiles / sharks.

Watch for Kangaroos

Koala Crossing

Check under your car for Penguins (from Philip Island)

Duh

Other signs fall under curious naming conventions for businesses such as “Dental Spa” (really? A spa for your mouth?) or, one of Marlys’ personal favorites, “Aussie Indian Trendy Cuisine” Restaurant (friends and family that have visited will likely recall us pointing this place out), We’ve never eaten at the Aussie Indian Trendy Cuisine restaurant but we can certainly understand a food craving when having plain old Indian or merely Trendy Aussie food will NOT satisfy!

Last year the highways were dotted with massive, “DOB IN A HOON” signs. To “dob in” means to inform or tell on. In Australia a “dobber” (also known as a “dibby dobber”) is a tattle-tale. Hoon is a shortened version of hooligan. So the sign urging motorists to ‘dob in a hoon’ translates to, “if you see a reckless drivers, please call police!”

http://www.police.vic.gov.au/content.asp?Document_ID=15478

This latest sign was a from our trip to Queensland. It speaks for itself...unless of course you have no idea what a bandicoot is....

Aussie Celebrity Sightings

We’ve had a few brushes with famous Aussies: John Howard (whilst still Prime Minister) at the airport, various footballers dining out at trendy Melbourne bistros, friends who live down the street from Geoffrey Rush, and St. Kilda - the funky suburb just down the road- is filled with up and coming musicians, artists, and actors. We also know a former PDIer who’s getting regular theatre work and is breaking into television – both commercials and TV series like “City Homicide”. A missed celebrity sighting was at Finger Pier in Sydney we were witness to a drunken bloke yelling up at Russell Crowe’s schmick (slang for extravagant/ luxurious) apartment, “Go back to NZ, ya kiwi!!”

Last night was the pinnacle of celeb sightings. Bill Hunter was sinking a pot at “our local” (Aussie for your neighborhood pub) Gunn Island – aka The Gunn. Who is Bill Hunter? You’ve probably never heard his name but you’d immediately know him if you see him. He’s Australia’s version of JT Walsh – the ubiquitous supporting cast member you always see but don’t always recall his name. Bill Hunter was in Gallipoli with Mel Gibson, played Muriel’s father in Muriel’s Wedding, Bob in Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, and the voice of the dentist in Finding Nemo. He was also in Baz Lurhman’s Australia. But Bill was happy having a beer at the local pub just like any other regular bloke.

The Aussies are very proud of their countrymen and women who’ve made it big in Hollywood. After a while, it seems like every star is Australian. Besides Academy Award winners Rush and Crowe, there are Cate Blanchett, Nicole Kidman, Naomi Watts, Keith Urban, Rachael Griffiths, Toni Collette, Eric Bana, Anthony LaPaglia, Melissa George (just joined Grey’s Anatomy), Hugh Jackman, Kylie Minogue, Bryan Brown, the Veronicas, Guy Pearce, George Lazenby (the least famous James Bond), Paul Hogan (Crocodile Dundee), Judy Davis, Gemma Ward, Dame Edna, the BeeGees, and, of course, Australia’s sweetheart, Olivia Newton-John. There is also the slightly decomposed Heath Ledger and Steve Irwin and the long departed Errol Flynn. Seems the Aussies punch above their weight when it comes to celebrities.

Why Canberra?

When we decided to go to Canberra, ACT (Australia Capital Territory – akin to the "DC" in Washington DC) people were perplexed. "You’re going to Canberra? Why Canberra? Do you love roundabouts?" While we wish we had a sexy answer like, "we’re respective ambassador candidates for Finland and Ireland", the truth is we’re on a mission to visit all 8 Australian states. 8 for 8, baby. Tick the box, we’ve been to ‘em all! Wooohooo! (Yes, we do realize how sad this makes us look…..)

As in the US, in Australia there’s a healthy competition between states. Warring New South Wales and Victoria are like typical siblings. Fighting and trying to best each other. There’s a particularly spirited rivalry between the two major cities of Melbourne and Sydney. Sydneysiders smirk when you mention you’re from Melbourne and Melbournians offer a malevolent sneer when anyone mentions the ‘evil city’ Sydney. Continuing along the family theme, if VIC and NSW are siblings then Queensland is the dumb blonde cousin - everyone rolls their eyes if some banana bender from Brisbane tries to sound intelligent. As for Tasmania, the small island state to the south, they are the ‘hicks’ - inbred and married to their first cousin. Am sure you get the picture so we won't even go into the sandgropers from WA or the troppo buffoons from NT.

Back to Canberra. The ACT is almost entirely made up of Canberra, the nation’s capital. Canberra was selected as the capital because Sydney and Melbourne both wanted the honor. More importantly, each city didn’t want the other one to end up as capital, so it was finally agreed (in 1901) that neither Sydney or Melbourne would be the Seat of Government of the Commonwealth. Furthermore, Melbourne insisted the capital had to be at least one hundred miles from Sydney. So, from 1902 to 1908 over 40 districts were proposed as possible capitals. The number was whittled down to 23 and then to 7 and, based on multiple criteria (sufficient water supply, climate, etc), Canberra was eventually chosen. Once the location was set, the next step was to design the capital city. Australia ran an international competition to select a city designer. Walter Burley Griffin, a landscape architect – and Yank from Chicago and disciple of Frank Lloyd Wright - won.

Burley Griffin's plan was to leverage the natural landform, waterways, and hilly undulations to create a city. A taxi driver told us Burley Griffin’s view was the government should serve the people so the civic buildings shouldn’t be “above” the eye level (ie on top of a hill like many castles) but at eye level – a government to serve its people and peers. In addition, Burley Griffin incorporated many Usonian principles dear to Frank Lloyd Wright in his designs. Central to his plan was a large artificial lake and a 'parliamentary triangle' for the most important national buildings. The surrounding city would be circular and radial in shape, which would fit the general topography of Canberra. We’re now up to 1911 and it wasn’t until 1913 when the first foundation stone was actually laid. Soon after WWI broke out – lack of funding slowed the city’s progress. Frustrated by many delays, Burley Griffin left Canberra in 1920 - 7 years before the Parliament building was completed. The Great Depression brought about more financial constraints and so it wasn’t until the 40’s and 50’s when national buildings – including a magnificent War Memorial - were finished.

Canberra today has the huge lake - Lake Burley Griffin - at its heart and huge circular streets (the city looks like crop circles from the air) and a long wide boulevard – on one end is the War Memorial – on the other the new Parliament House with the Old Parliament building about mid-way between.


The War Memorial is sensational. A fantastic tribute to the diggers and all of Australia’s armed forces. They have tutorials on the wars, exhibits, relief maps, pictures, recordings, video, and plenty of docents offering assistance. The memorial closes each day with a moment of silence and lone trumpeter playing the Last Post. Very powerful and incredibly moving.

Wall of names - fallen soldiers at War Memorial

Boulevard between War Memorial and Parliament

War Memorial

Old Parliament House was the home of the Federal Parliament starting in 1927. From the beginning Old Parliament was to be the “temporary” home of government - albeit for 50 years - and would house approximately 300 politicians and staff. By the time the new Parliament was completed in 1988 the Old Parliament was crammed with 3,000 staffers.

A quick word about Aussie politicians. Being a commonwealth country, Australian politics have similar parliamentary traditions as the UK. Politicians will boo, hiss, harrumph and engage in colourful name-calling during opponents speeches. We have your typical gamut of politicians – glib and clever; the ignoble, your milquetoast variety, the idiots. One candidate from the Liberal party (conservative) recently announced he could have won the election that John Howard lost in a land slide… if only he had listened to his wife’s advice to run. One perpetual candidate campaigning in Queensland just had nude pictures of her splashed over the TV, newspapers, and Internet. Her spokesperson, in usual unruffled Aussie fashion said, “She doesn’t care.” That is, she didn’t care until she realised the pictures were not of her after all. A debate ensued and she got a formal retraction. Of course considering her initial response we all know she did indeed – at some point - pose for nude pictures.

New Parliament – the interior is very much a celebration of all things Aussie. A gorgeous and impressive building that uses various Australian timbers and numerous displays of Australian art and craftwork. The color scheme also reflects the land of Oz - The House of Representatives is the color of eucalyptus; the Senate color resembles the red earth.

We don’t think we’ll ever work for the Canberra tourist bureau but it was worthy of a visit and, to say we’ve got 8 for 8 Aussie states, is the bonus.

Absolutely Positively Wellington

We celebrated Matt’s 40th birthday (Feb 13) in the southernmost capital in the world: Wellington, New Zealand. Wellington is a stunning harbor city surrounded by rolling hills and boasts a sufficiently vague tourism slogan… “Absolutely Positively Wellington”.

If Melbourne is like Minneapolis with its straight well-planned gridded streets, than Wellington is a sister to St Paul, with windy streets and twisting alleys that start and stop with no rhyme or reason. (Sorry, Mr. Ventura, I don’t know how many drunken Irishmen were on the city works payroll in the mid-1860s). St. Paul city “planning” aside, Wellington reminded us of Seattle – it has a similar climate and scenery, a diverse popluation, and a cool, young, urban vibe.

The birthday boy (did I mention he’s now FORTY??) found lots to do. First stop - satisfy dorky inner selves by visiting various Lord of the Rings film locations. This includes screeching to a halt in order to read all LOTR sign posts, exploring "Rivendell", and engaging in embarrassing behavior such as dodging traffic to nonchalantly inspect a small, empty gravel pit that once served as Helms Deep. Positively nerd-tastic!!!

After the dry, scorching heat of Melbourne we loved the mild sunny weather - perfect for exploring the surrounding area. We spent one day in Martinborough wine country (not to be confused with Marlborough which is on the South Island) and a day on the Kapiti Coast hiking along the Tasman Sea.

As the capital, Wellington has some of the best museums in the country. We visited the Wellington City Museum and Te Papa National Museum. The latter is their version of DC’s Smithsonian and has a fantastic permanent collection of New Zealand’s cultural and natural history, including exhibits on earth, plants, earthquakes, oceans, art, birds, marine life, the railway, immigrants, an extensive Maori and Tongan exhibit, and, currently, a temporary exhibit on Monet and the Impressionists. Whew! The pièce de résistance is the world’s only complete colossal squid. This huge mollusc was found and frozen in Antarctica and brought to Te Papa scientists in 2003 to be defrosted and examined (the catching, defrosting, examining of the world's largest invertebrate was captured on film by The Discovery Channel if you want to see/learn more.). How big is colossal, you ask? To give you an idea, its eyes are the size of soccer balls.

Wellington got high marks when it came to feeding and quenching our gastro - oenophile tendencies. With the kiwi dollar at near record lows (Hurray, global financial crisis!), we ate like kings. Our first night we lucked out and got a table at the eternally popular Matterhorn Restaurant (opened in the early 1960’s but won NZ’s top restaurant again in 2008). At the Matterhorn (of all names) we feasted on tuna sashimi, crispy veal sweetbreads, Wairarapa grouper, and Hawkes Bay lamb. We also went to the White House (not to be confused with Obama’s new digs) for carpaccio of octopus (replete with Japanese pickles, kelp sorbet and wasabi jelly), salt and pepper calamari, steak, and salmon. All washed down with crisp Sauvignon Blancs and perfumed Pinot Noirs.

Wellington gets a big thumbs up. Oh. And Matt is 40.

Absolutely positively 40.

The Fires

Marlys and I were going to put out a typically cheeky blog post about the stinking hot weather we’ve been having here in Melbourne, but events in the interim have taken a decidedly more somber turn. If you’ve seen the news in the last 48 hours, you undoubtedly know there have been devastating bushfires across Victoria, with most around Melbourne. The multiple fires have left well over 800 square miles of damage to property and forests. Even worse, over a hundred, and probably hundreds, of people have burned to death trying to escape after little or no warning. It is absolutely, positively horrifying.

We haven’t had appreciable rain for months, and in the past few weeks the temperatures have been brutally hot, with the highs over 110 F several times. Matt went hiking a week ago and we the “grass” was so dry and burnt out it actually crackled when you walked on it. By last Wednesday the forecast said Saturday would be a scorcher with high sustained winds. That, coupled with the tinderbox drought conditions, means high bushfire probability. The TV was full of advisories that people should have their fire plan ready and be prepared to evacuate their homes at an instant. They said it would be the worst bushfire conditions ever – even worse than those for the famous Ash Wednesday fires of 30+ years ago.

Saturday came and the heat was even worse than predicted – 117F, a new all-time record for Melbourne. And it was hotter in the bush. We planned our day to avoid the heat – a trip to the art museum (air conditioned to protect the paintings) followed by a movie (Slumdog Millionaire) in an air conditioned theater. But the time spent outside was like beign in a convection oven, with blasts of heat swirling around. There was no cool breeze.

When we left the art museum about 4pm the sky was an eerie gray. You could see a few white clouds against the dull ashen backdrop but not a speck of blue. We immediately figured there were fires in the area and dense smoke was to blame.

The news Saturday night talked about bushfires everywhere. Numbers jumped from 11 to 26 to over 35 but it’s only been in the last 24 hours that the real horror of what happened, and what is happening, became apparent. All those who have died, many missing, and whole towns destroyed. And the stories: of roads filled with choking smoke. Of people desperate to get back to the house to find a family pet. Farmers going to their fields and euthanizing their cattle and sheep to put them out of their misery. Pictures of poor half burnt kangaroos frantically bouncing to escape surrounding fires.

If you look at our “Places We’ve Been” list along the right hand side of this blog, you’ll see “Marysville” listed. It was one of the first day trips we ever made, and we’ve brought a few visitors up there as well – to see the waterfalls and mountain ashes and eat at the bakery. It had the best Scottish shortbread.

We say “had” because Marysville is gone. Burned off the face of the map. As of today 12 people from Marysville are dead and they figure they’ll find more bodies as they go through the houses and cars left smoldering on the sides of the road. To have this lovely town full of the nicest people expunged from the face of the earth is something we’re still trying to get our heads around. It breaks our heart. And it’s just one of the places devastated. Nearly all the "VIC" places listed to the right have had fires.

We do not know anyone who’s lost life or property personally. Our friends and their families are all currently safe, even the ones who live deeper in the bush. We are very worried about Fay and the farm near Yarram (where Matt suffered his Australia Day injury), but as of today she’s OK. She’s in a spot where the forests behind her house haven’t burned in a long time – and that means lots of deadfall kindling. The fires have come within a half kilometer of her place, she lost power, the roads closed, and she had the car packed and ready to go. But as of now the fires haven’t come closer. We’re keeping up the prayers.

Watching the news and talking to our friends is hard. The stories are so horrific - finding charred bodies of families in cars, families split by the fire and don’t know if the others made it out, stories of last phone calls saying good bye to children or parents from homes about to be burned. It’s gut wrenching. Both the premier (governor) and the Prime Minister have visibly broken down on TV. The reporters have also struggled to keep their composure.

And it gets worse. This is not a natural disaster. Many, if not all, of the fires were set by humans. That makes this mass murder and to consider the selfishness and evil that would lead someone to set one of these fires is something we don’t want to dwell on.

If you want to help, the Australian Red Cross is taking donations for money that will go directly to the bushfire victims. You can donate online at: https://www.redcross.org.au/Donations/onlineDonations.asp. (I’m sure the bankers will take their cut in foreign exchange fees and the like, but every little bit helps.) We’re not ones who typically push donations to a cause – but now this is a good time to start. Today there is a toiletries collection in the office, because so many of the fire refugees (and there are thousands) don't even have toothpaste.

The running joke around our office is that we've seen more of Victoria than the locals, and it may be true. But this means the places on the fire maps are not just names - we can see them, we have memories of them, we know them a little. These are real places with real people that are now gone.

Victoria and Minnesota are almost identical in size and population. While Minnesota is our home state, Victoria is our chosen state. Today we are so sad for our beautiful state, our adopted country, and our grieving countrymen.

Humor Before Pride

Below is an actual e-mail Matt sent to our Melbourne co-workers. Because Marlys has already been surreptitiously leaking it to various people, the Aliantravels editorial board decided to publish it in its entirety and let everyone on earth know about how Matt spent Wednesday morning. It needs no further introduction. Enjoy.

____________________

From: O'Toole, Matt
Sent: Wednesday, January 28, 2009 8:55 AM
To: All Melbourne
Subject: Important Safety Notice

Dear Fellow Melbourne Office Teammembers,

As I was rushing to get a cuppa before my 7 AM conference call in which I was presenting, I left my key card in my office and so thought I'd just pop into the unisex toilet next to the kitchen. I stepped in, accomplished my business, and when I turned to leave I noticed a funny thing: the handle for the door was missing. "How strange" was my first thought. "How the heck am I going to get out of here?" was my second. I looked around for the handle or other method of releasing the door, but as a soggy towel is really only useful for preventing smoke from entering a room during a fire, there was no means of release at hand. I settled down to wait for one of my co-workers to arrive for their first cup of tea.

As the hours passed many thoughts went though my mind, but in the spirit of Jeremy Bentham I tried to use my time of incarceration for self improvement. I counted the tiles on the ceiling (16. And by the way, where did the cover for the light fixture go?). I went through the alphabet naming Victorian country towns - Ararat, Bunyip, Colac, Dandenong ("Wait", I thought. "Does Dandenong count as “country”? It's so close to Melbourne."). I tried to come up with less embarrassing explanation for my absence from the conference call - "I was locked in a toilet" does not inspire confidence or respect for your judgment and common sense. And I plotted slow, sweet revenge on whoever took the handle and didn't let people know the door to the toilet is buggered.

Eventually Barb arrived and she, Maria and I worked to get the door opened. In the spirit of the prison leitmotif, they passed me food and drink though the slot at the bottom of the door during this period. Eventually we got it open and I was paroled to breathe the sweet air of freedom again. Or at least air untainted by Oust and other cleaning supplies.

Why am I sharing my embarrassing and unhappy morning with you? It's to impart a few valuable lessons:

1. The door to the toilet by the kitchen is broken. Do not use that toilet unless you are prepared to prop the door open.
2. If in the future you learn of a dangerous or confinement-causing condition at the office, please inform your fellow workers. An e-mail may be a good idea. And might I also suggest a note on the door?
3. Henceforth, all my children will be named Barb and Maria. Even the boys.
4. When going to the toilet, always bring food and a phone. You just never know.

Kind regards,

Matt

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

Happy New Year! We are back from a fantastic two weeks exploring New Zealand’s South Island. Since there was way too much to put into one blog posting, here are the highlights:

Queen Charlotte Sound

Best Breakfast: We stayed at B&Bs most days, so had our share of delicious breakfasts (organic eggs, homemade bread dripping with New Zealand’s Manuka honey, fresh squeezed juice, great coffee, etc.). Matt, who is never one for chit-chat with strangers first thing in the AM, lists his favorite breakfast as the one provided by the hotel in Christchurch. None. He stopped at Starbucks for a nice big cup of coffee after his run and enjoyed it in the quietude of our room.

Best Hike: Routeburn Track. New Zealand is renowned for its tracks and we spent an hour or two one some almost very day. Routeburn is one of the most famous tracks and we spent a morning walking part of it – crossing rope bridges, raging mountain rivers, seeing waterfalls and gorges and other alpine scenery.

Best Hike Deux: Matt climbed Ben Lomond, a mountain above Queenstown. It is a mile high and involved crossing multiple narrow ridges to reach the apex (where it drops precipitously on both sides). Despite the rigorous climb, he was rewarded with spectacular views of the Southern Alps with Lake Wakatipu shimmering below. At the same time Marlys was enjoying a spectacular view of the inside of her eyelids as she enjoyed a 1.5 hour massage followed by a pedicure.
Best NZ beer: Steinlager for Marlys and Speight’s for Matt. We went on the Speight’s brewery tour in Dunedin (east coast). In the tasting room, Marlys taught everyone the Finnish toast, “Kiipis” which (essentially) means, “cheers!”. The Aussie tourists in the group LOVED this toast because they thought it sounded like “get pissed!”

Speight's Brewery

Best Idiom: “Nerd-tastic”. Matt spent NZ$25 on a guidebook specializing in Lord of the Rings film locations. He thought he was so cool until we happened to see this particular book described in Lonely Planet as the “nerdtastic” book for the type of groupies who live in their parents’ basement and spend a lot of time pretending to be a wizard in an online game. Of course, that’s not to say we still didn’t visit every location we could. We would stop at the site, look at the vista, sigh, turn to each other and say “It certainly is nerdtastic, isn’t it?”

Idiom Runner Up: In New Zealand hiking is called “tramping”. You can imagine the witticisms that engendered over the course of the trip.

Best Seafood (aka Biggest Surprise of the trip): we could also call this category oddest restaurant – Stumper’s. Stumper’s was bar/restaurant in the seaside town called Hokitika where we spend one night (by the way the hotel wins the “worst room” award because the room smelled like “damp mop ala’ creepy basement”). Hokitika, despite the promising location of right on the Tasman Sea, isn’t much of a town and we explored the two main streets within 5 minutes (on foot). Stumper’s was conveniently located across the street from our odiferous hotel; it was one of the few open places (it was New Year’s Day), and by all looks it was hopping with business. We wove our way through a bunch of drunk, scruffy locals lounging outside and ordered the blue cod. As we waited for dinner, we were entertained by one of the locals arguing with his girlfriend, then duking it out with friends about not wanting to get in the car and leave (picture this – girlfriend in back seat, boyfriend standing in open car door - girlfriend tugging boyfriend’s jeans at the waist, friends standing next to guy trying to corral and push him into the back seat). Due to his condition, bobbing and weaving was not a problem. This was eventually resolved when the police showed up and put him in their car for a ride. The surprise? The blue cod was absolutely fantastic – fresh, perfectly prepared, and in two weeks of eating seafood for dinner (every night but one), Matt pronounced it the best of the lot.

Marlborough Wine Country