Matt & Justin Timberlake - One Degree of Separation

On a weekend day in September, Matt was walking down the street in our quiet little neighborhood. Suddenly Matt heard a fluttering whoosh in his right ear and felt a bump on his shoulder. He flinched and, looking up, saw a bird flying away from him. “That’s odd”, he thought. “It’s almost like that magpie attacked me.” (Important note for nieces and nephews: a magpie is a non-poisonous bird. Yes, not all wildlife is deadly here). Continuing on his way, Matt made it about another ten yards when the same thing happened. Whoosh – thump! And the magpie flew up to perch on a tram cable.

Visions of Tippi Hendren and “The Birds” now flashed through his mind. Matt picked up the pace, turning to look over his shoulder at that damn magpie every few seconds. It remained on its tram line perch, staring straight at Matt and no doubt considering another dive bomb attack.

Arriving home, Matt relayed his avian encounter to Marlys. She politely listened and then, with a look in her eyes that said “I don’t believe a word of this baloney”, asked what he wanted for dinner.

Ahh, but vindication was close at hand. The very next week, there was an article in the “50/50” section of the local paper – 505/50 is Melbourne’s answer to the St. Paul Pioneer Press’ “Sainted and Tainted” column, without the passive aggressiveness. In one of the day’s rants an older gent complained about “magpie culling” - apparently animal control was out culling a few magpie because they were swooping people, and the old-timer thought this just proved true Aussies aren’t what they used to be. “In my day, no child would complain if they were swooped by a few magpies this time of year. It was part of living in the bush”. (Actual quote).

Intrigued by the idea of bird attacks, Matt later dug up this article from the park service:

http://www.nationalparks.nsw.gov.au/npws.nsf/Content/The+Australian+magpie

For those of you too busy to read the link, here are a few tips if a magpie swoops at you:
* Walk quickly and carefully away from the area, and avoid walking there when magpies are swooping. M&M - OK, we get this. Number One - Get OUT!
* Make a temporary sign to warn other people. M&M - sounds like a contradiction to rule #1. Do we leave, go get paper, colorful markers, create a sign, and then go BACK to the attack zone and leave a sign??
* Magpies are less likely to swoop if you look at them. Try to keep an eye on the magpie, at the same time walking carefully away. M&M - this would have been helpful information to add at rule #1. Alternatively, you can draw or sew a pair of eyes onto the back of a hat, and wear it when walking through the area. M&M - hmmmm. OK, so, seems to me the park service is having a little fun here. "Let's see what sort of goofy things we can get people to do... I know, let's have them sew buttons on their hats!"
* Wear a bicycle or skateboard helmet. Any sort of hat, even a hat made from an ice cream container or cardboard box, will help protect you. M&M - we are now envisioning the park service people screaming with laughter as they write out their 'dos and don'ts'. It's not enough to get people to sew buttons on their hats -- let's get them to fashion a ridiculous hat from an ice cream container or look like a weirdo wearing cardboard box as you walk around town. I think wearing a container or box on my head would deter more than a bunch of birds. We're trying to make friends in this town for crying out loud!
* Carry an open umbrella, or a stick or small branch, above your head but do not swing it at the magpie, as this will only provoke it to attack. M&M - what good is carrying a small branch if you don't get to use it?? If a park ranger stops you, don't you think the first thing THEY'LL think is that you ARE swinging it at the birds...?
* If you are riding a bicycle when the magpie swoops, get off the bicycle and wheel it quickly through the area. Your bicycle helmet will protect your head, and you can attach a tall red safety flag to your bicycle or hold a stick or branch as a deterrent. M&M - ahhhh, the combo approach! helmet? check! Stick? check! getting out of the area quickly? check! Although isn't this tip a bit flawed? I mean if you're supposed to get out of the area, wouldn't it be smarter to stay ON the bike? How can you wheel the bike and carry a small branch over your head at the same time? and what about keeping your eye on the magpie? seems to me you should wheel the bike away backwards, right? and of course, don't forget to return later...warning sign in hand.

In sum, yet another Australian animal is dangerous to humans – at least part of the year.

So what on earth does this have to do with the one and only JT? Well, he’s on tour in Oz and when asked in an interview about his thoughts on Australia he let slip his scariest moment was when he was attacked by magpies. He went on for about 2 minutes describing his magpie attack (Matt shuddered in recognition). We’ll say this for the magpies - they attack without respect for money or celebrity. How very Aussie.

If you’re here in September, here’s what to look out for:

"Nevermore. Nevermore"

Melbourne Cup

Tuesday was a state holiday: Cup Day. Yes, this is a country that gives you a day off just for a horse race. In 1895 Mark Twain visited the Melbourne Cup and said "Nowhere in the world have I encountered a festival of people that has such a magnificent appeal to the whole nation. The Cup astonishes me." Like our fellow Midwesterner, we were astonished by the pageantry of the Cup.

The Melbourne Cup is Australia's most famous racing event. It's been a public holiday since the 1870s and Flemington track usually has up to 150,000 people attending. Its very much a cocktail party atmosphere - champagne and canapés, huge hats and racetrack fashions, (there is a dress code - men need to be in jackets/ties, etc.) and, of course, horses, jockeys, and gambling.
It was all very, very posh and the pictures really won’t do the outfits justice. Everyone was dressed to the nines, and every woman had a hat. Or a “fascinator” in their hair. We never saw so many well dressed people in one place in our life. The woman we work with who organized our party procured a spot at a location called “The Rails”, which is normally a parking lot right alongside the track but for the Cup becomes one of the more exclusive areas for parties. We could sit in our chairs, drink champagne, eat hors d’oeuvres, and watch the horses thunder by.

Behind the Rails was “the Birdcage”, which is where the giant hospitality tents are located. Directly behind our party was the Emirates Airline tent, although to call it a “tent” is like calling the Taj Mahal a “tomb”. Amazing what lots and lots of oil money can do. Emirates is the main sponsor of the race (it’s officially the “Emirates Melbourne Cup”), so their tent is where all the TV crews and celebrities hang out. “Celebrity" in this case means "Australian celebrity", which to us Yanks really means "Who?". The only one we knew was Carson Kressley - he of “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” – who judged the fashion show between races.

As for the gambling, we made ten bets and lost all but one. Luckily that one win was a 16 to 1 long shot so it made up for all the losses and then some. In addition, Matt’s horse for the big race finished dead last, so he actually collected a few bucks from the office pool.

Entrance to Flemington

The Two of Us All "Frocked Up"

Tilly, Emily and Mark Showing Off Their Race Day Fashions

Marlys, Dom and Rearn

Matt and Anthea

And Now, Back to our Regularly Scheduled Program

Our apologies to the multitudes who have waited with baited breath for the next thrilling installment of AlianTravels. The dearth of posts was due to Matt’s return to the States for a few weeks, which meant very little time for either of us to blog about Oz.

In the interim our stuff arrived. Hey, it was only four weeks late, but at least very few things were broken. As Matt was living the high life in Minnesota, Marlys got to spend some quality alone time with 65 boxes, a bed that just wouldn’t put itself together, and piles and piles of clothes that required laundering and ironing. But we’re finally moved in, more or less, and read for guests!

To celebrate Matt’s return we drove up and into the Yarra Ranges Park to do some hiking, see the waterfalls, and get some fresh mountain air. One highlight was the mountain ash trees (they’re actually a variety of eucalyptus), which can grow to 200 feet tall. It’s like driving through the redwood forests, although in fairness the ashes are usually thinner than redwoods. Interesting fact: mountain ashes are agoraphobic. If two ashes grow close together, they will shed branches so they don’t touch. So in the forests, the trunks go up for 100 feet before there is any canopy. On the other hand, if an ash grows alone, it will have branches at all levels.

Road Through the Park

When Matt was in Minnesota the third most frequent question he was asked was: “Have you seen a kangaroo yet?” Embarrassed by the fact he always had to answer “no”, we resolved to see all the wildlife we could as soon as possible, and so on the way back into town we stopped at the Healesville Animal Sanctuary. For those of you coming to visit with kids, this is a must see location. It is a wonderful place, not at all zoo like, and the following is a non-exhaustive list of Australian fauna we observed:

Kangaroo

Emu (on left)
Tasmanian Devil

Koala


And also Echidna, Wallaby, Platypus , Wombat, Dingo, Flying Foxes (HUGE bats), and dozens of exotic birds.